ask nicely with no NO.

how do grown ups even ask something from their parents without being turned away or even you ended up holding their leg up because you beg them so much to give you what you want anyway? Darnit

i want to have not so many children, but not less than 2 for each gender because i don't want them to think that I was just being bias but I'm only human who am i kidding darnit 

Post-Scrubs S04 and S05 Ep04

sometimes i'm glad my sister is not the eldest. 

there would be so much of look up to. 

she will be the very much first sister and we had to make such example out of her. So many expectations must be fulfilled. now with me you must believe that since I'm not such a bright myself, tha bar has been set quite low for the other siblings.

She is the very sister i would go run and tell my problems to because, most of the times she'll give out the most brilliant solution or the best way out from her eyes (and sometimes the best, like-she-could-see-it-from-our-parents-eyes)

She's so perfect i always thankful to god for letting me be her elder sister. sometimes i also think i don't deserve these people i called siblings.

but sometimes too, parents have to come and ruin it for us. not our mom, she tried her hardest (god bless you mom) to love her children equally, occasionally i just HAD to remind myself that my mom is just a human being. and favouritism is such a human thing to do. yes she loves our brother quite dearly. being her hope (of bein the heir of the family of course. such an asian thing to do)

but our dad, i could see it so clearly that he prefers my sister out from us four. she's brilliant, her CGPA up sky high, she's pretty (my ex used to tell me that), she got the money without being questioned too much (this, we know by heart she's quite a splurge at heart,Lol) yet my dad never has the heart to tell her off.. she even get to be honest to tell things to my parents before they flipping out! now that's quite a superpower let me tell you

with me, though i used to not do wrong things (things that would make they lost trust in me), meh. it's the same. they wont even trust me. I could never get to go somewhere without even lying. Oh well, i've adapted to that. A girl's gotta live by keeping her sanity intact you know... and maybe if you could stop referring to ME every time any of the siblings try to joke with our mom, i would get blame definitely. "Oh dah pandai menipu? Nak jadi kakak dah sekarang?"

Mind you. we were doing great. my sister just decided to usik her. then she gon be like just decided to sizzle at the tip of the iceberg making me lose my patience by saying that. TIBA TIBA JE. ya rabbi sabar je lah.

how can parents be let to be proud without even their parents teaching them anything? How are we not growing each other up? 

My parents don't seem to grasp the concept of children making mistakes of their own so they could understood what lifens about. Yes parents are the greatest lifesaver. But stopping me from living isnt going  to stop me from dying! 

but i try to believe that god is giving me for things i need. and i guess for now they are good enough for me. Thank you God. now please just let me start living by letting my parents cutting me up some slacks, eh?

stupid things make your eyes broke into tears

it doesnt matter if you are right or wrong.

Ayah and nini just gon think you stood your mom up

WHY THE FUCK 

you guys don't even want to talk this things out.

main perli perli je.

i hate this.

i hate for for knowing things and hoping that my family would be in together. thinking things through together.

WHAT THE FUCK

WHY

now my tears are rolling wtf wtf wtf

i just have to be very very VERY patient.

jumaat is Q's long call day

i must be veeery patient.

To Self

be the bigger person, nadia. Be it!

Because i cared too much.

my eyes brimming with tears?

why?

because i care.

kalau aku diam, buat bodoh dan tak terfikir nak cuba explain kepada siapa siapa, this wont happen.

Nini wont even see at my reasoning.

dia cuma cakap "kasarnya bahasa."

When i asked was i wrong?

she said no, i was right.

then how should i say it?

She kept silent.

imbalance of life

i believe that all people have their own sustenance, their own subsistence. but then your parents do the things "they always let your sisters do, but not when you do it."

"but why?" you asks. everytime.

because you werent born with enough brains

brains--->good results--->parents (dad) love you moareee

dads just ruining the balance don't you see

Cop = (labelling people names)

aku tak faham yang jenis cop playgirl dekat orang yang banyak crush ni. (read:me) 

hang ni banyak tengok cerita rekaan fiksyen. i wont spend my lifetime fangirling only ONE person yo.

nonetheless it's one GREAT defence mechanism for people like me. The one people rarely give chances.

ugly people + stupid human being should not breed. (read:me)

i don't want to burden my children with my stupidity + my gene

You have no idea the amount of time I spend mesmerizing, obsessing, bedazzled of other people's beauty, but when it comes to myself ....

Sabar

mak aih hina betul bapak aku buat sebab nak mintak duit belanja. 

sabar weh sabar.

Hangat hati.

Alah kalau aku buka mulut untuk bercerita pun bukannya orang paham. Depa tak nampak cara aku nampak sesuatu.

Depa takkan dapat rasa apa yang dah aku alami yang seterusnya menjadikan segala rasa yang aku ada sekarang ni.

Aku tak tahu ini adalah disebabkan ketidakbagusan menjadi anak sulung ke atau ketidakbagusan dalam keberadaan aku dalam keluarga ini.

:3 why notttttt

1. wasnt puberty supposed to make me hot

benci tangkap 100 yang eloknya adalah 5,6,7.

EVERYONE GLOWS IN PICTURES, BUT ME. 

Ignorant sampah.

there were soo many wonderful people despite the sea of assholes during my school times. 

and of course i just have to realise that 7 years later.

Adoilah.

to ALL my chapter titles

fake it till you make it.

(fake it like you're feeling nothing upon it until you be numb of the pain)

Better late than never

i was never good at making friends i shall do so now. 

(dah berapa kali ulang entah tak tahu)

Eiddd Mubarak

Happy Eid guysssss!!!

cita cita baru: nak jadi cantik dengan perangai elok + budi bahasa cantik (pffft tak adalah baru pun)

Boss tanya aku lepas berhenti ni nak buat apa.

"Oh saya ingat nak sambung kerja kat Perlis,Encik A."

Dengan boss nombor dua haritu aku cakap aku nak berehat. ha ha. rehat.
harey kalau rehat tak masyuk la maknanya.
mereput hang kat rumah tu jawab dia.

hai lah. kalaulah makpak aku kaya raya, aku dah PI TRAVEL KE JEPUN
HUAAAAAAAAAAA NAK PI JEPUNNNN DENGAN DUIT POKET YANG BANYAKKKKKKKKKK
WHY GOD WHYYYYYY
WHY DO NICEST THINGS ONLY HAPPEN TO PRETTY PEOPLEEEEEEE WHYYYYYYY


ok lah fair enough. aku cuma perlukan tempat untuk membebel dan menangisi nasib aku (sangat drama queen) ni je.

hahah mengada ngada. Orang kat Palestine sampai krisis air, hang dok buat miserable pathetic apa tah tang ni...

fine lah fine. i've been learning to cope with my feelings. with the people that i got crush on once upon a time. now i just wish them to find happiness. honest. sebab aku rasa, aku rasalahkan. kalaulah depa tu yang terbaik untuk aku, kenapa tuhan tak temukan aku dengan depa terus ja? instead, tuhan bagi aku peluang. untuk penuhkan chapters dalam hidup aku dengan setiap kisah yang berbeza.

tapi aku rasa sedih jugak kadang kadang. because many things (read:FUN things) used to happen so many times to me before (that would involved boys lah)
mungkin tuhan nak aku belajar supaya mencari kegembiraan daripada sumber lain juga mana tahu kan?

adoi
i can only hope i am moving on the right track.
Please god. TEEHEE.

2D character crush

oleh sebab aku rindu gegiler my bff, so tetiber nak cakap pasal 2d crush (okay aku tak paham apa relationship antara kedua-dua ni, but it just happened, okay?)

1. Usui Tamaki. HE'S SOOOO COOOOL BUT IN ORDER FOR THE HEROIN TO BE WITH HIM, SHE MUST BE ON THE PAR WITH HIM WHICH MEANS KENA SAMA POWER DENGAN DIA

2. Kyoya Ootori. HE'S THE EVILEST AND MOST CALCULATIVE PROTAGONIST (OR ANTAGONIST?) I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED IN COMIC BOOKS. VERY METICULOUS AND HIGHLY ECONOMICALLY SAVVY. I NEED THIS KINDA GUY IN MY LIFE WEHHHH. AND I PREFERRED HIM WITHOUT GLASSES PRETTY PLEASEEEE

3. Oga Tatsumi. LOL JK I JUST WANT BERUBO