nasib

selalu kena sisih dengan bapak sebab bapak ingat kita lebihkan ibu

kena perli ngan mak sebab katanya banyak tipu muslihat

Stupid plant just how its going to stay alive?

you splashed poison to the little plant

and then when the plant didnt die, instead grows into poison plants

sometimes the plant emits it poison accidentally

but sometimes the plant just, being a poison plant.

you apologized to the plant v much

the plant, which started to become conscious, forgives, thinking you were its creator after all.

the creator kept other plants too 

hoping that the other plants would not ever becoming or ended up like the poison plants

but you keep watering it poison even after that all of sudden

even after you fertilises it

just how can the plant gets ever normal again?

makan angin

aku masak maggi je kot.

i didnt know my mom asked my dad to eat out.

sebab tu bila orang bercakap, dengar.

kenapa? salah ke? tidak kan?

aku tak tahulah ayah aku ni kenapa. kalau bab mintak duit, insyallah mudah (despite some words used). But our dad seldom listen to us.
is it because we are nobody to him? Sibuk je dengan telefon. Kadang kadang aku doa jugak Tuhan hancurkan telefon ayah tu. Tapi, he could just buy another one. that wont solve anything pun. When we talk he rarely listens.

Aku risau ayah aku ada orang lain je. Melawak, melawak jugak. Kalau ayah aku sabar dengan kerenah mak aku, mak aku laaaagi banyak sabar dengan kerenah ayah aku. nobody's perfect.

but he doesnt know. Ayah always thought his patience makes him got through all. Never he understood it is always Ibu who complements all his loopholes. his flaws. i now realised that now.

mak aku dah banyak pendam. sebab tu bila benda kecil jadi pun, aku jadi paham. kenapa sekecil kecil benda mak aku nak bising jugak.
i used to side with Ayah when i thought Ibu was the emotional one. Ibu was always the bad one. Poor Ayah.
No that was not it.

As you grow older, insecurities jumps into your life. you were happy once. But once is not forever. Once is not enough.

and i thought, people with good looks may have been taking their lives for granted.
while people with none are living with insecurities. for the rest of their lives.

these good looking people would never get it. even though they may be have their own insecurities. because the world shines for them.
perhaps not all the time, but most of it.

and sometimes too we might get withdrawn with that good looks. When that good looks might be the best lure with what youre going to deal later in life. The price you might have to pay for it, sometimes might causes you the rest of your lives.

ignorance is bliss. no it's not. it kills people who cares about you.
maybe i just understood that. at the least it is killing my mom little by little.

sometimes you love people so much you give them power to hurt you just a little bit more. and that happens to my Mom rn.


all these things may seem cock and bull tales but then i just dont know where to start. or what to write. because some of them have been lingering in my mind for too long i thought i should keep quiet of it. some of them i thought i should just ignore them. some should be demolished.

Q

soalan hanyalah soalan. 

Sampailah kau interpret soalan itu sesuatu yang "Apahal tanya soalan macamni pulak?" instead of finding the answers to the questions.

Ticks me off

it's strange how the persons you love knows just the right amount to ticks you off. accidentally on purpose agaknya.

Kita, kalau tak ada benda baik nak cakap, please shut the piehole please. Daripada orang tak ada apa apa hard feeling terus rasa sakit hati. Mak pak je yang boleh buat gini. Harap harap esok kalau aku bercadang nak ada anak, aku akan ingat natang ni sampai bila bila. Walaupun melawak (je katanya)

it's DLCW you are the true winner to us!!! 

J

I used to wonder why didnt Jared Leto act masa mula2 tengok mv The Kill. His mesmerizing blue eyes lagi. he's soo darn good looking! But then i love his singing more...

Team Badminton Power!!

it's okay guys!!! you already made us proud with your spirit!!! 

ya allah Olimpik kali ni memang betul betul kasi gegar lah.

Team Badminton Malaysia Olimpik 2016 power nkhrm!!!! Team renang pun sama!! Aku dari tak layan sports terus rasa bersemangat. sakit tekak doyyyy menjeritttt kais semangat (walaupun kita jauh beribu batu)

anyways, esok aku tamatlah percutian aku kat LBJ ni... okaylah.. rumah sewa dah dapat, baby pun dah hari2 jumpa, makcik pakcik sepupu aku pun, what more could i ask? (':

some people makes you do unthinkable things on terrible impulse. not that it's bad all the time

iloveyouguysboththesame!

It's fun to have lots of friends.

It's a lot more fun if you are rich and can lavish your nice friends with stuff they want. Like Santa. (':

#okaymaybeilovehermore 

ask nicely with no NO.

how do grown ups even ask something from their parents without being turned away or even you ended up holding their leg up because you beg them so much to give you what you want anyway? Darnit

i want to have not so many children, but not less than 2 for each gender because i don't want them to think that I was just being bias but I'm only human who am i kidding darnit 

Post-Scrubs S04 and S05 Ep04

sometimes i'm glad my sister is not the eldest. 

there would be so much of look up to. 

she will be the very much first sister and we had to make such example out of her. So many expectations must be fulfilled. now with me you must believe that since I'm not such a bright myself, tha bar has been set quite low for the other siblings.

She is the very sister i would go run and tell my problems to because, most of the times she'll give out the most brilliant solution or the best way out from her eyes (and sometimes the best, like-she-could-see-it-from-our-parents-eyes)

She's so perfect i always thankful to god for letting me be her elder sister. sometimes i also think i don't deserve these people i called siblings.

but sometimes too, parents have to come and ruin it for us. not our mom, she tried her hardest (god bless you mom) to love her children equally, occasionally i just HAD to remind myself that my mom is just a human being. and favouritism is such a human thing to do. yes she loves our brother quite dearly. being her hope (of bein the heir of the family of course. such an asian thing to do)

but our dad, i could see it so clearly that he prefers my sister out from us four. she's brilliant, her CGPA up sky high, she's pretty (my ex used to tell me that), she got the money without being questioned too much (this, we know by heart she's quite a splurge at heart,Lol) yet my dad never has the heart to tell her off.. she even get to be honest to tell things to my parents before they flipping out! now that's quite a superpower let me tell you

with me, though i used to not do wrong things (things that would make they lost trust in me), meh. it's the same. they wont even trust me. I could never get to go somewhere without even lying. Oh well, i've adapted to that. A girl's gotta live by keeping her sanity intact you know... and maybe if you could stop referring to ME every time any of the siblings try to joke with our mom, i would get blame definitely. "Oh dah pandai menipu? Nak jadi kakak dah sekarang?"

Mind you. we were doing great. my sister just decided to usik her. then she gon be like just decided to sizzle at the tip of the iceberg making me lose my patience by saying that. TIBA TIBA JE. ya rabbi sabar je lah.

how can parents be let to be proud without even their parents teaching them anything? How are we not growing each other up? 

My parents don't seem to grasp the concept of children making mistakes of their own so they could understood what lifens about. Yes parents are the greatest lifesaver. But stopping me from living isnt going  to stop me from dying! 

but i try to believe that god is giving me for things i need. and i guess for now they are good enough for me. Thank you God. now please just let me start living by letting my parents cutting me up some slacks, eh?

stupid things make your eyes broke into tears

it doesnt matter if you are right or wrong.

Ayah and nini just gon think you stood your mom up

WHY THE FUCK 

you guys don't even want to talk this things out.

main perli perli je.

i hate this.

i hate for for knowing things and hoping that my family would be in together. thinking things through together.

WHAT THE FUCK

WHY

now my tears are rolling wtf wtf wtf

i just have to be very very VERY patient.

jumaat is Q's long call day

i must be veeery patient.

To Self

be the bigger person, nadia. Be it!

Because i cared too much.

my eyes brimming with tears?

why?

because i care.

kalau aku diam, buat bodoh dan tak terfikir nak cuba explain kepada siapa siapa, this wont happen.

Nini wont even see at my reasoning.

dia cuma cakap "kasarnya bahasa."

When i asked was i wrong?

she said no, i was right.

then how should i say it?

She kept silent.

imbalance of life

i believe that all people have their own sustenance, their own subsistence. but then your parents do the things "they always let your sisters do, but not when you do it."

"but why?" you asks. everytime.

because you werent born with enough brains

brains--->good results--->parents (dad) love you moareee

dads just ruining the balance don't you see

Cop = (labelling people names)

aku tak faham yang jenis cop playgirl dekat orang yang banyak crush ni. (read:me) 

hang ni banyak tengok cerita rekaan fiksyen. i wont spend my lifetime fangirling only ONE person yo.

nonetheless it's one GREAT defence mechanism for people like me. The one people rarely give chances.

ugly people + stupid human being should not breed. (read:me)

i don't want to burden my children with my stupidity + my gene

You have no idea the amount of time I spend mesmerizing, obsessing, bedazzled of other people's beauty, but when it comes to myself ....