Rai...n rain go away

you know.. you can also know where you stood in somebody's heart without needing to ask.
When you call them, and it was an unanswered call, see how they later respond to it.
Do they let you know the reason immediately when they got your call?
Do they simply call you back?
Or do they just simply ignore it?

If it were me,
if somebody ever calls me, and i missed it,
i'll wait for their text.
because if it's an important call, they'll let me know.
but  i guess not everyone would do the same kan.

tapi kalau dah msg kau tak di-reply,
call kau tak berangkat,
msg diorang je yang kau asyik jawab.
kau faham sendirilah kat mana kau.

Faham kan?

Tapi kadang degil lah.
Otak dah fikir logik selogiknya
otak dah bagi reasoning paling munasabah
yet no
the heart wants what it wants
degil.
now you bear the consequences lah.

Bestfriend.

Dear God,
Don't you think Ann REALLY, REALLY IN NEED of a bestfriend pronto?
i keep feeling that other people is being friend with me just because i'm available.
That sucks.
i want a friend who wants to be friend with me because they REALLY wanted to.
Not just because i'm around. That's just plain sad.

i wish he/she would really like to know about my day.
i wish he/she would really want to know how do i felt about it.
about my happiness, about my problems, about things going on in my life, about us.
Sekarang ni kan, nobody really wants to know about me pun. Sedihlah.
What if i grow old uncared?
What if i grow old single and bitter?
Single tu mungkin akan payah sikit untuk dihadapi but then boleh hadap lagi.
But bitter? I dont really fancy the idea of affecting other people with my negativity. :(
aku ni pun dah cukup bitter dah inside.
but i'll still throw up rainbows. as of now lah. in the future kita tak tahu kan? :(

in the midst of everyone's getting married.
everyone's having a child.
everyone's having a good career.
i hope it wont cause me much just to feel happy all over again.
i really wanted to say that i'm lonely.
i'm feeling pertubed most of these days. and i can't help it.
really. because i'm really feeling it.
but sometimes i don't. because i know, god still doesn't abandon me.
He still loves me no matter what.
He still here, in my heart
but i guess sometimes i'm just a selfish servant who's still at His mercy
thinking, "hey this won't be so bad after all if i'm not all alone right?
it'd be nice if i have someone to turn to at times kan? macam mengadu and whatnot?"

dear god please let me have one, and i wish that this bestfriend could stay until we grow old together, or even die together boleh tak heheheh that sounds creepy zzzz