Berapa kali dah cakap pasal dimples daaaa..

all the times, i am so greeeen with envy with people who have dimples.
You know why?
Because God pre-prepared them from birth with this one kind of magic that whenever they smile they seem to be making your day.
Dari dulu saaampailah sekarang. Jealous sungguh aku!
My puppy love had one. or two. Rasanyalah.
Ex keeeeee. ek eleh. tak pernah pun propose betul betul suruh aku jadi girlfriend dia. KAH!

So what i did was, i will pray to God. (SAMPAI SEKARANG!)
Life is not always about rainbows and nice food and good family and lots of cash and lots of friendsss. Not all could afford all that. Not all have the privilege and merely choose to have that.
Some people cannot even afford to choose.

Rather than smiling blindly, i wish i could do something for them.
Like strangers stuck with their cars beside the road.
Hujan lagi pulak.
Rasa macam nak turun repairkan (padahal bukan reti pun KAHKAHKAH)
Like people selling stuff from table to table
Macam nak beli semua (acah Donald Trump) tapi lepastu nak makan apa? Pasir?
Nampak lantai licin,
Tuhan, moga moga semua yang lalu lantai ni tak jatuh.
the least i could is doa je lah dalam hati.
Semoga dipermudahkan urusan, kalau destinasinya baik. Niatnya baik.
Insyallah doa sampai dengan keikhlasan.
Tapi tak semua orang have that light inside their hearts.
Some people just wants to see the world burn.
Jadi aku berhati hati jugak dalam berdoa tu.

Now back to the topic.
The least. Through smile.
Dimples. Even though i might not have one,  i hope that i would make someone's day whenever I smile.
Come rain or shine, be it strangers or my friends, (pray to god to nice people lah. if bad people i wish god protect me from their harm)
i hope, reallly really hope, that at least I could make someone's day just by smiling to them.

Because sometimes, simple little things do create smile on our faces.
Kadang-kadang tengah penat, or tengah letih dengan hidup ke, you're having a rough day,
tiba-tiba someone smiled at you, aku akan jadi macam..
"hey chill, Ann. You'll have things that not nice. But there are still nice things waiting out there. Let this be your lesson."

when people smiled at me, buat aku appreciate benda benda kecil macam ni
lepas tuhan let me experienced things yang tak semua orang akan dapat fair share.
Maybe, but it will comes with time. And not all people would have the same, at the same time.

Tapi tengoklah timing.
Orang tengah bengang ke tengah sedih ke
tiba tiba kau senyum senyum mintak lempang ke apa lolz.

Sometimes ornag ni diorang ada ego/maruah/harga diri/pride,
rather than putting into words, (which i am really bad at)
Smile.
Dengan keikhlasan.
Insyallah akan sampai niat awak tu.
Kalau tak sampai, pun takpelah.
Doa je lah tuhan bukakan hati depa.
Tak rugi pun.
Okay?

""May flowers grow in the saddest parts of you." — Zainab Aamir"

To all these people,
thank you for making my day.
And i wish mine would bring the same to you too.

R

Aku berharap aku tak kena cerai lah esok. :(
Seminggu pun tak sampai lagi ni ha.
Apa boleh buat....
Baik dia tahu awal kan. Lagipun we're on deal je kan..
I'm not supposed to have feelings for him pun. Tak layak pun.
This is all games to him.

But he's like a rainbow in the midst of my monsoon.
But he will never know

choo choo

sometimes we just need a little strength from the people who really care about us. and sometimes even to breathe.

and sometimes i decide to, by holding your hand.

you make my heart goes choo choo

Told you once, and i'll tell you twice. I have nothing to offer.

after all, aku ni cuma untuk mengisi masa lapang orang je.

Nobody is serious enough to take me seriously.

Segala puji bagi tuhan.

sesungguhnya Tuhan itu Maha Pendengar dan Maha Mengetahui.

dan aku sedang cuba bersangka baik dan enjoying my every step because i know my God just wants to build me better and better by time.

Dan aku percaya, inshallah, Tuhan tidak pernah meninggalkan hambanya yang sentiasa mengingatinya.


If things don't happen according to your plan,
maybe what God wants you to learn haven't been really tasted or understood by you yet, i guess.
Or maybe God just wants you to pray a lot harder.
If it was so easy, sometimes you'll never learn how to be gratitude, right?
Inshallah we'll find our ways.

I am up to no good but I'll try my very best to be better by time.
Just bear with me, and let us grow together, shall we?

p.s. Anyah and I facetime-d after for so long! Fuhhh so juicy lah all the gossips!
Pasal ayam pun boleh bawak bergaduh. Hahahahh

Damn you

moga tuhan melaknat hati hati yang mengusik hati hati lain tanpa niat ikhlas.
moga tuhan memakbulkan doa ini.

belasungkawa

alhamdulillah wan dah selamat dikebumikan lepas maghrib isnin lepas.

aku tak sempat pun tengok wan. kitorang sampai pun dalam  pukul 1 pagi.Islam pun suruh segerakan urusan pengebumian. lagipun tak elok pun hold lama lama.

haritu masa cuti semester pun aku bersyukur sebab semua dah buat untuk wan. potongkan kuku wan, belikan ubat untuk kuku wan, bawak makanan, dan berjaya buat wan makan, salam tangan wan, dan aku cium jugak wan for the first and last time.

Looking back, i could say he was a good man. he might have his shorts, but who doesn't?
What matters to me is that he would be the best grandfather i could ever ask for. i used to not want to go back home and my parents had to let me stay at kampung when i was a child. Lepas dah masuk sekolah menengah, dah kurang sikit sebab dah duduk asrama kan.

pernah je aku rasa jauh hati sebab wan suka buli tuk. hahaa.
but maybe that was just how old people do kan.


semoga allah tempatkan Wan dalam kalangan orang-orang beriman..


in the mean time, i could just pray harder so ibu could become a lot stronger to face Ayah.
Ayah did not show his true colours in front of me and Nini. Poor ibu )':


I'm still forgiving dad because he was like in the trance. macam tak sedar. was it black magic? wallahualam.


aku kesiankan ibu. I'm here, she's there.
Allahu

yay dapat ikan yayyyy

i got a pet today yay!
Raihan yang belikan. comel betul dia!

Baby baby baby oh... i thought you'd always be mine, mineeee

eceh semacam je tajuk ye. aku ingat nak letak tajuk baby oh baby lepastu teringat lirik lagu justin bibierr lak hahahahh

so yesterday i was talking about how many kids we want for the future with one of my guy friends.

I agreed with him that maximum should be four. Greater, if got twins twice, twice less the time needed for me to carry them in the tummy (hahah) but harder for me lah since she has to carry them 9 months. Kalau boleh gilir gilir dengan bapaknya takpe jugak. Hmm.. sounds fun but can my brittle spine withstand that? More, that now i know that i'm a damaged good. Will somebody ever accept me as i am? and will i?

lepastu tadi i thought about the names. THEIR names. Gosh i dont even have a boyfriend yet! Hahahahahh. A girl can dream, right. Terfikir nak letak nama bunga la pulak. Macam Lily (or Lilibeth. Or Liliana. Could be Aeliana jugak.), Azalea, Violet ke, Hazel ke. Sebelum ni i thought Zara, Jannah, and Iman were nice enough. As for the boys, let's just put my old crushes names lah. Or my husband's? Ehhhh hahahhahahhh. Alah, his names should be based from Harry Potter lah. baru kipas susah mati gituww.

But we also agreed that the first one should be a boy. I thought so that he could beat up for his other later sibs. Him, i dont know. I told him that the baby's gender depends on the father while doing the (clearing throat) you-know-what, as i once read it on Reader's Digest. He said it was determined by the food intake during pregnancy. Yeke? tak tahu plak. ye ye je eh. 

And then, we get to the house chores. I said i need to find one that could help me with the house chores. and he quickly said no. Hmmph nasibla bukan boyfriend aku. awal awal dah rejek dah ni. i really, really hope for one who wouldn't mind to do house chores with me. We could have some fun tho. Or maybe, we'll cook together ke. Amboi tingginya cita-cita. Before, I dont mind at all. Tapi dah Tuhan tarik satu, satu, nikmat hidup ni, i better be prepared. I can just wish and pray hard je lah. And make myself better with days to come. I dont think i could be a good wife as of yet. Let alone, a mother! 

I even made a pact with this friend. He bet that i would get married in three years time. Amboi aku plan kalau nak kahwin pun in my 30s. tu pun kalau jumpa. kalau tak jumpa, takkan aku nak kahwin just for the sake kena kahwin kan? Tak betul dah tu niat tu. Nak kahwin kena ada duit, ni setakat berapa rat je takyah le. i dont know what to put at stake. Hmmm maybe i could just propose to him that i'll buy his future first child a present on his 3rd, 6th, 9th and 12th birthday kot? If i married later than 3 years, i'll just ask for a present on my wedding day lah. HEhehe. Maybe i'll ask for a Tefal Garment Steamer, or sandwich maker, or a Bosch mixer, or a Kenwood electric oven, waaahhh best giler kalau dapat. 

SO aku berdoa supaya Raihan akan jadi kaya raya dan pemurah just for the sake of the bet hahahhahahah

p.s. had a nightmare about dad breaking out the news to me and Anyah. please god don't ever make it happen.