Random night

It breaks my hearts whenever i listen to "The Way I Loved You" by TSwift 

but i can't stop listening it.

 And it saddens me most 

When i don't even know myself why.

The good memory nadia.

Lahhh lupa lak birthday aku tak lama lagi. Patutla mak aku suruh aku balik dengan adik aku sekali 2hb ni. "-.-

Senior oh senior

Once knew this one senior who used to have nice-smelled pencils and pens. How? Kept EDT in the pencil case, one day, someone forgot and threw it, it broke, and VOILA. 

I used to thought it came with the package. You know, with him being so good looking, so pandai, and so nice. Lol. 

Royan Fossil.

Bagi aku, hadiah paling bagus adalah hadiah yang praktikal. Yang orang boleh guna dan pakai. Kalau habis pun takpa. Sebab kau dapat pakai dan guna benda tu.

I love and would try my best to give health and cosmetic things as these things tend to give good messages to the receiver. of course it's bcs i want my beloved receivers to live longer. And prettier. And happy. :)

Atau apa2 barang dan benda yang selama ni mmg dalam to-have-list dan to-do-list orang tu. Cool kot. Macam Santa Claus hihi.

Macam mak aku, this year we got her Kinohimitsu collagen drinks for her birthday. Tapi tak praktikal sgt pasal benda tu setahun sekali je kan. Lepastu mak aku dah malas nak beli sendiri pasal mahal sgt lol. Nanti aku nak belanja dia pergi spa ke facial ke massage ke we'll see. Bapak aku pun. Takkan mak aku nak gi sorang je. Hahaha.

For my adik, i got handbag for her last year birthday. Tahun ni ingat nak beli instax tapi tak jadi pasal mahal sgt and bapak aku dah beli ipongsik kat dia hahah (apalah)

Untuk adik2 yang lain, ah kecik lagi. Lol jk. High maintenance sgt -.- kalau boleh seketul tu aku nak kasi Wii atau ps4. Seketul lagi aku nak kasi hadiah headphone. Tapi apakan daya. Herher.

Untuk diri sendiri plak, hadiah paling praktikal dan paling berguna bagi aku yang aku rasa setakat ni adalah buku, sweaderr dan jam tangan. 

Aku suka buku yg nak2 aku boleh baca banyak kali tanpa bosan. Wau macam mana tu. Entahlah. Aku suka, kalau orang tu personally recommended something. Which is, dia pernah baca dan dia suka dan sekarang dia nak bagi kau supaya kau rasa ke'best'an buku tu.

Walawehh. Nak nak kalau sweaderr tu kaler yang kau belum ada. Nak nak kalau sweader tu takda zip. Kain selesa. *heavy breathing* (yeay dah dapat!)

Jam tangan plak serius lah berguna kan. Jam kot. Nak nak kalau fossil. Nak2 mmg yang kau aim. Fuuuuh. *heavy breathing lagi* tapi Fossil bapak dia mahal seyhhhh. Beg dia kebanyakan cuns cuns skang ni. Tapi mahal macam nak rompak kedai dia hahaah. Alah cakap je lah kau teringin Fossil kan. Herher. Done. So dah berangan sikit haritu kalau buat hantaran nak handbag Fossil jam tangan dia purse dia HAHAHA. Which is... Bila entah yang aku rasa betul2 nak kahwin ya pun tak tahu. Big commitment woh. Bercouple pun aku dah rasa renyah. Ni aparah lagi kahwin. Nak kena bangun awal, kemas rumah tangga semua. Tu belum ada anak lagi. Sok dah ada anak. Ha lain pulak cerita dah. Ha dont make me start. Kang bebel ni.

Pokoknya, something that has your personal touch. Like, "oh, aku tengok benda ni, aku nampak/teringat kau. I hope you like it" gitu. 

Tapi setakat ni aku suka self reward diri sendiri yang tak berapa layak nak dapat reward ni dengan benda yang aku suka kat instashop (cakap jelah kau mudah terpengaruh, dan mudah nak membeli kat instashop tu hekeleh) 

And setakat ni, maqupxoxo, fossil murah, zueboutique dgn nanirostam berjaya buat aku berulangkali cari instashop depa. Merenung barang2 yang ada sambil melelehkan air liur teringin situ sini (self torture sangat wajib). So sekarang ni, aku tengah beli sikit2 mana2 yang aku berkenan dan tercapai dek poketku. So makan dah kena kurang lepasni, which is, bagus sbb selalu sangat meroyan, sedih, pilu mengenangkan 'beg' kat perut aku ni. (Boleh adik aku panggil lemak kat perut aku tu beg?? Demit.) tapi sebab malas nak bersenam, terpaksa puaskan hati saja dengan apa yang dah ada lol.

Ok nak sambung hafal untuk paper Asso 2 esok. Babai

Spender

It's never good when your own mother thought bad of everything that you gonna say and have said. 

Penat explain, salah ayat kang terasa. Yelah makpak tak rasa, anak2 yang rasa and nampak beza cara sayang tu kan. 

Adalah yang lebih, yang kurang. Tapi jangan pernah nafikan. Rasulullah pun ada kesayangan Baginda. Kita ni manusia biasa. Mesti ada je yang kita sayang lebih. Mesti. 

Spender ada lima, kaler sama, kain sama, of same brand. Tapi mesti ada satu spender tu yang korang akan suka jugak pakai. Hahahh.

Fossil oh Fossil

Wuaaaaaaaa kenapa barang2 Fossil ni cool cool wuarghasdfghjklmnbvcxz.

Ha follow lagi ig fossilmurah . Konon. Kan kau dah royan sorang sorang. Murah dia tu macam tak ada beza *sambung nangis lagi*

Ability

I'm at the age where i have the ability to determine whether it's love or purely friendship. But I don't have the privilege to make other people to believe what i really felt. Well, you know what? Screw them. It's your life. What matters are what you really think. And because what you really think determines what you do. 

Sometimes, you feel it is easier to keep quiet than to explain. Sometimes you think it is useless to try to explain something to people who never will take your words, yet chose to see you from their not-so-rose-tinted-glasses. Sometimes you just feel, plain lazy to explain. Sometimes you just don't feel to do so. Sometimes, too, you feel that, mere words cannot describe accurately what you have felt. After all, feelings are to be felt, not told, no?

If you have to convince them who you really felt, you will ended up convincig yourself. Stop explaining yourself and try to believe more in yourself. 

After all, it's your life! At the end of the day, the one whose gonna bear the consequences is YOU. Not the people who have succeeded in influencing you. 

Pessimists.

Sometimes i am just so annoyed with these positive thinking people. The world is not that positive. There are theories. Correct theories, correct way of doing something, better way of doing something. Just, human are not that good. 

Logically, we can think the best way solution. Well if that involves only us, wa may do so. Problems appear when the world just don't revolve only around us. 

Macam buat karangan, aku selalu terfikir. Macam macam benda kena tulis. Cara nak memelihara hutan, cara nak mengurangkan rasuah, bagaimana untuk meningkatkan ekonomi negara and all sorts of bs. Why i mentioned it as bs? Bcs it's just theories. Good theories. Just, people know it is there. People know it exists, just, people dont give a s* to even bother to do it. 

Without action, they are merely theories. No matter how good they are.

There are people who care to try and do and there are people who aren't. We are not perfect. The people i am surrounded with, at least. 

Spaghetti-sukahati-nak-masak-study-untuk-test-esok-takmau-bolognese.

U

Berapa kali tambah cili giling, berapa kali tambah air pun aku tak tahu.

Lama dah tak masak bolognese. Harini try tambah telur. Nak tengok best ka dak.(pengaruh qeela) Ah harini pakai cili giling saja, cili padi lupa nak letak.

Spaghetti aku patah dua. Senang nak makan. (Dasar melayu tak reti pusing pakai garpu)

AFTERTASTE

Agak kering kuahnya. Ayam masak ok. Lain kali letak carrot lebih sikit. Tomato lain kali pakai satu bijik terus. Garlic ok. Bawang besar ok je (cukup half untuk sorang makan) 

Ah! Aku rasa kering sikit pasal aku letak telur tadi! Haa. Telur tak terasa pun ada. (Unless kau alergik telur lol)

Keputusan nak pakai olive oil sangat bernas. Pasal tak berminyak langsung. (I hate greasiness. Well who doesn't kan)

Pedas: LANGSUNG tak -.- remind me lepasni kena letak lebih dari dua sudu bukit. 

KESIMPULAN

Aku rasa kalau buat kuah nachos pun jadik gak nih :D

lepas ni boleh masak lagi!

Sri Nirwana cedok cedok

Haritu makan kat Sri Nirwana kat Bangsar. Alah sebelah Tous Le Jours tew. Member aku, Nana Madeonus ajak. Boleh tahan lah. 

Dia cedok nasik depan kau. Letak lauk, sayur semua depan kau. I mean, dia datang kat meja kau.

Ha gitu.

Ada peria goreng. Which sangat sedap kalau makan ngap kari dia sebab krup krap krup krap. Tapi kalau makan gitu saja. Pahit hoiiii. Ye lah peria kan. Takkan nak rasa macam koton kendi plak kan. 

Harga untuk sepinggan nasi + sayur + ayam, (ayam tu kitorang share 3 orang. Tak banyak mana pun) dapatla rm12.

Agak mahai untuk aku yang selalu melantak kat Hakim ni hehehe. Ha tu je kot.

Babai.

Malasnya!

Well i guess it WAS love.

When you see his picture with another girl and you sincerely hoping and wishing he would find happiness with this girl.

Yet your heart flinched when you see the girl held him tight, him holding her tight, with really, happy smiles drawn on both their faces.

And i thought it was just confused friendship.

"Ingat saya tak?"

Waktu dok tunggu ktm ni lah (gua otw balik pdg jawa dari salak tinggi) gua teringat satu peristiwa.

Ada orang pernah datang kat gua. Comel. Lepastu cakap hai. Lepastu dia tanya.

 "Ingat lagi tak?"

Gua cuba ingat. Sambil tu, gua pandang kiri kanan. Takut lah tiba tiba kena pukau ke apa ke, gua ni dah lah lurus sikit. Sikit je lah.

"Hmm... Tak.."

Budak lelaki tu dah malu. Mana tahu? Sebab muka dia dah merah masa gua jawab gitu. Lol.

Gua fikir lagi deras.

"Serius tak ingat." 

Masa tu gua dah macam, apahal lak comel macamni aku tak ingat lak en... Nak tanya siapa nama macam segan. Haishh.

Budak lelaki tu masih di situ. Mungkin menanti sampai aku ingat ke dia.

             **********

Tapi sekarang bila aku fikir balik, tu mungkin trik nak mengorat. Mungkin trik dia nak pukau. Mungkin dia salah orang. Atau mungkin dia jodoh aku (wow that escalated quickly). Atau mungkin, aku je yang tak pandang muka dia betul betul. 

Segan doh. What did you expect? Dah la tak kenal, tiba tiba approach kita, comel lak uh, sorry bro. Gua ni udah le mudah cuak sikit.

                ********

"Awak salah orang kot.Serius saya tak ingat." Yakin aku jawab ke dia.

Dia geleng kepala. Lepastu dia terus berlalu.

Lepastu ktm pun datang. Aku masuk koc wanita lah kan. Dah tak nampak dia dah.

Hooodieeeee ohh hooodieee

Aku rasa benda paling berguna tapi paling susah aku nak dapat. Natang ni.

I have longed and still wish to have all colours of it.

So cool lah weh!

Tapi susahnya lahai nak cari material + colour yang aku nak.

Ada kaler cantik, material tak best plak. 

Ada material best, kaler.. Hmm...

Kaler cantik, material best, pattern lak tak berkenan.

Penatlah oi penat.

Keeping your heart intact.

I noticed that, the only thing that keeps my sanity and maturity intact is "moderation".

No matter how much you like, you love something, or someone, they don't and won't ever last forever.

Keep that in mind, mind. you rebel one.

#honestmoment

Every now and then, i couldn't help but to feel the need of thought, of having someone to claim me as his girlfriend. 

Girlfriend je lah tapi. 

Wife material is still not within my reach..

The Landlady by Roald Dahl

Billy Weaver had traveled down from London on the slow afternoon train, with a change at Reading on the way, and by the time he got to Bath, it was about nine o’clock in the evening, and the moon was coming up out of a clear starry sky over the houses opposite the station entrance. But the air was deadly cold and the wind was like a flat blade of ice on his cheeks. 
“Excuse me,” he said, “but is there a fairly cheap hotel not too far away from here?” 
“Try The Bell and Dragon,” the porter answered, pointing down the road. “They might take you in. It’s about a quarter of a mile along on the other side.”

Billy thanked him and picked up his suitcase and set out to walk the quarter-mile to The Bell and Dragon. He had never been to Bath before. He didn’t know anyone who lived there. But Mr. Greenslade at the head office in London had told him it was a splendid town. “Find your own lodgings,” he had said, “and then go along and report to the branch manager as soon as you’ve got yourself settled.” 
Billy was seventeen years old. He was wearing a new navy-blue overcoat, a new brown trilby hat, and a new brown suit, and he was feeling fine. He walked briskly down the street. He was trying to do everything briskly these days. Briskness, he had decided, was the one common characteristic of all successful businessmen. The big shots up at the head office were absolutely fantastically brisk all the time. They were amazing.

There were no shops on this wide street that he was walking along, only a line of tall houses on each side, all of them identical. They had porches and pillars and four or five steps going up to their front doors, and it was obvious that once upon a time they had been very swanky residences. But now, even in the darkness, he could see that the paint was peeling from the woodwork on their doors and windows and that the handsome white facades were cracked and blotchy from neglect. 
Suddenly, in a downstairs window that was brilliantly illuminated by a street lamp not six yards away, Billy caught sight of a printed notice propped up against the glass in one of the upper panes. It said BED AND BREAKFAST. There was a vase of yellow chrysanthemums, tall and beautiful, standing just underneath the notice. 
He stopped walking. He moved a bit closer. Green curtains (some sort of velvety material) were hanging down on either side of the window. The chrysanthemums looked wonderful beside them. He went right up and peered through the glass into the room, and the first thing he saw was a bright fire burning in the hearth. On the carpet in front of the fire, a pretty little dachshund was curled up asleep with its nose tucked into its belly. The room itself, so far as he could see in the half darkness, was filled with pleasant furniture. There was a baby grand piano and a big sofa and several plump armchairs, and in one corner he spotted a large parrot in a cage. Animals were usually a good sign in a place like this, Billy told himself; and all in all, it looked to him as though it would be a pretty decent house to stay in. Certainly it would be more comfortable than The Bell and Dragon. 
On the other hand, a pub would be more congenial than a boardinghouse. There would be beer and darts in the evenings, and lots of people to talk to, and it would probably be a good bit cheaper, too. He had stayed a couple of nights in a pub once before and he had liked it. He had never stayed in any boardinghouses, and, to be perfectly honest, he was a tiny bit frightened of them. The name itself conjured up images of watery cabbage, rapacious landladies, and a powerful smell of kippers in the living room. 
After dithering about like this in the cold for two or three minutes, Billy decided that he would walk on and take a look at The Bell and Dragon before making up his mind. He turned to go.

And now a queer thing happened to him. He was in the act of stepping back and turning away from the window when all at once his eye was caught and held in the most peculiar manner by the small notice that was there. BED AND BREAKFAST, it said. BED AND BREAKFAST, BED AND BREAKFAST, BED AND BREAKFAST. Each word was like a large black eye staring at him through the glass, holding him, compelling him, forcing him to stay where he was and not to walk away from that house, and the next thing he knew, he was actually moving across from the window to the front door of the house, climbing the steps that led up to it, and reaching for the bell. 
He pressed the bell. Far away in a back room he heard it ringing, and then at once —it must have been at once because he hadn’t even had time to take his finger from the bell button—the door swung open and a woman was standing there.
Normally you ring the bell and you have at least a half-minute’s wait before the door opens. But this dame was like a jack-in-the-box. He pressed the bell—and out she popped! It made him jump. 
She was about forty-five or fifty years old, and the moment she saw him, she gave him a warm, welcoming smile.
“ Please come in,” she said pleasantly. She stepped aside, holding the door wide open, and Billy found himself automatically starting forward. The compulsion or, more accurately, the desire to follow after her into that house was extraordinarily strong. 
“I saw the notice in the window,” he said, holding himself back. 
“Yes, I know.” 
“I was wondering about a room.” 
“It’s all ready for you, my dear,” she said. She had a round pink face and very gentle blue eyes. 
“I was on my way to The Bell and Dragon,” Billy told her. “But the notice in your window just happened to catch my eye.” 
“My dear boy,” she said, “why don’t you come in out of the cold?” 
“How much do you charge?” 
“Five and sixpence a night, including breakfast.” 
It was fantastically cheap. It was less than half of what he had been willing to pay. 
“If that is too much,” she added, “then perhaps I can reduce it just a tiny bit. Do you desire an egg for breakfast? Eggs are expensive at the moment. It would be sixpence less without the egg.” 
“Five and sixpence is fine,” he answered. “I should like very much to stay here.” 
“I knew you would. Do come in.” 
She seemed terribly nice. She looked exactly like the mother of one’s best school friend welcoming one into the house to stay for the Christmas holidays. Billy took off his hat and stepped over the threshold. 
“Just hang it there,” she said, “and let me help you with your coat.” 
There were no other hats or coats in the hall. There were no umbrellas, no walking sticks—nothing. 
“We have it all to ourselves,” she said, smiling at him over her shoulder as she led the way upstairs. “You see, it isn’t very often I have the pleasure of taking a visitor into my little nest.”
The old girl is slightly dotty, Billy told himself. But at five and sixpence a night, who cares about that? “I should’ve thought you’d be simply swamped with applicants,” he said politely. 
“Oh, I am, my dear, I am, of course I am. But the trouble is that I’m inclined to be just a teeny-weeny bit choosy and particular—if you see what I mean.” 
“Ah, yes.” 
“But I’m always ready. Everything is always ready day and night in this house just on the off chance that an acceptable young gentleman will come along. And it is such a pleasure, my dear, such a very great pleasure when now and again I open the door and I see someone standing there who is just exactly right.” She was halfway up the stairs, and she paused with one hand on the stair rail, turning her head and smiling down at him with pale lips. “Like you,” she added, and her blue eyes traveled slowly all the way down the length of Billy’s body, to his feet, and then up again. 
On the second-floor landing she said to him, “This floor is mine.” 
They climbed up another flight. “And this one is all yours,” she said. “Here’s your room. I do hope you’ll like it.” She took him into a small but charming front bedroom, switching on the light as she went in. 
“The morning sun comes right in the window, Mr. Perkins. It is Mr. Perkins, isn’t it?” 
“No,” he said. “It’s Weaver.” 
“Mr. Weaver. How nice. I’ve put a water bottle between the sheets to air them out, Mr. Weaver. It’s such a comfort to have a hot-water bottle in a strange bed with clean sheets, don’t you agree? And you may light the gas fire at any time if you feel chilly.” 
“Thank you,” Billy said. “Thank you ever so much.” He noticed that the bedspread had been taken off the bed and that the bedclothes had been neatly turned back on one side, all ready for someone to get in. 
“I’m so glad you appeared,” she said, looking earnestly into his face. “I was beginning to get worried.” 
“That’s all right,” Billy answered brightly. “You mustn’t worry about me.” He put his suitcase on the chair and started to open it. 
“And what about supper, my dear? Did you manage to get anything to eat before you came here?” 
“I’m not a bit hungry, thank you,” he said. “I think I’ll just go to bed as soon as possible because tomorrow I’ve got to get up rather early and report to the office.” 
“Very well, then. I’ll leave you now so that you can unpack. But before you go to bed, would you be kind enough to pop into the sitting room on the ground floor and sign the book? Everyone has to do that because it’s the law of the land, and we don’t want to go breaking any laws at this stage in the proceedings, do we?” She gave him a little wave of the hand and went quickly out of the room and closed the door. 
Now, the fact that his landlady appeared to be slightly off her rocker didn’t worry Billy in the least. After all, she not only was harmless—there was no question about that—but she was also quite obviously a kind and generous soul. He guessed that she had probably lost a son in the war, or something like that, and had never gotten over it. 
So a few minutes later, after unpacking his suitcase and washing his hands, he trotted downstairs to the ground floor and entered the living room. His landlady wasn’t there, but the fire was glowing in the hearth, and the little dachshund was still sleeping soundly in front of it. The room was wonderfully warm and cozy. I’m a lucky fellow, he thought, rubbing his hands. This is a bit of all right. 
He found the guest book lying open on the piano, so he took out his pen and wrote down his name and address. There were only two other entries above his on the page, and as one always does with guest books, he started to read them. One was a Christopher Mulholland from Cardiff. The other was Gregory W. Temple from Bristol. 
That’s funny, he thought suddenly. Christopher Mulholland. It rings a bell. 
Now where on earth had he heard that rather unusual name before? 
Was it a boy at school? No. Was it one of his sister’s numerous young men, perhaps, or a friend of his father’s? No, no, it wasn’t any of those. He glanced down again at the book. 
Christopher Mulholland
231 Cathedral Road, Cardiff 
Gregory W. Temple
27 Sycamore Drive, Bristol 
As a matter of fact, now he came to think of it, he wasn’t at all sure that the second name didn’t have almost as much of a familiar ring about it as the first. 
“Gregory Temple?” he said aloud, searching his memory. “Christopher Mulholland? . . .” 
“Such charming boys,” a voice behind him answered, and he turned and saw his landlady sailing into the room with a large silver tea tray in her hands. She was holding it well out in front of her, and rather high up, as though the tray were a pair of reins on a frisky horse. 
“They sound somehow familiar,” he said. 
“They do? How interesting.” 
“I’m almost positive I’ve heard those names before somewhere. Isn’t that odd? Maybe it was in the newspapers. They weren’t famous in any way, were they? I mean famous cricketers7 or footballers or something like that?”

“Famous,” she said, setting the tea tray down on the low table in front of the sofa. “Oh no, I don’t think they were famous. But they were incredibly handsome, both of them, I can promise you that. They were tall and young and handsome, my dear, just exactly like you.” 
Once more, Billy glanced down at the book. “Look here,” he said, noticing the dates. “This last entry is over two years old.” 
“It is?” 
“Yes, indeed. And Christopher Mulholland’s is nearly a year before that—more than three years ago.” 
“Dear me,” she said, shaking her head and heaving a dainty little sigh. “I would never have thought it. How time does fly away from us all, doesn’t it, Mr. Wilkins?” 
“It’s Weaver,” Billy said. “W-e-a-v-e-r.” 
“Oh, of course it is!” she cried, sitting down on the sofa. “How silly of me. I do apologize. In one ear and out the other, that’s me, Mr. Weaver.”
“You know something?” Billy said. “Something that’s really quite extraordinary about all this?” 
“No, dear, I don’t.” 
“Well, you see, both of these names—Mulholland and Temple—I not only seem to remember each one of them separately, so to speak, but somehow or other, in some peculiar way, they both appear to be sort of connected together as well. As though they were both famous for the same sort of thing, if you see what I mean—like . . . well . . . like Dempsey and Tunney, for example, or Churchill and Roosevelt.”

“How amusing,” she said. “But come over here now, dear, and sit down beside me on the sofa and I’ll give you a nice cup of tea and a ginger biscuit before you go to bed.”

“You really shouldn’t bother,” Billy said. “I didn’t mean you to do anything like that.” He stood by the piano, watching her as she fussed about with the cups and saucers. He noticed that she had small, white, quickly moving hands and red fingernails. 
“I’m almost positive it was in the newspapers I saw them,” Billy said. “I’ll think of it in a second. I’m sure I will.” 
There is nothing more tantalizing than a thing like this that lingers just outside the borders of one’s memory. He hated to give up. 
“Now wait a minute,” he said. “Wait just a minute. Mulholland . . . Christopher Mulholland . . . wasn’t that the name of the Eton schoolboy who was on a walking tour through the West Country, and then all of a sudden . . .” 
“Milk?” she said. “And sugar?” 
“Yes, please. And then all of a sudden . . .” 
“Eton schoolboy?” she said. “Oh no, my dear, that can’t possibly be right, because my Mr. Mulholland was certainly not an Eton schoolboy when he came to me. He was a Cambridge undergraduate. Come over here now and sit next to me and warm yourself in front of this lovely fire. Come on. Your tea’s all ready for you.” She patted the empty place beside her on the sofa, and she sat there smiling at Billy and waiting for him to come over.

He crossed the room slowly and sat down on the edge of the sofa. She placed his teacup on the table in front of him. 
“ There we are,” she said. “How nice and cozy this is, isn’t it?” 
Billy started sipping his tea. She did the same. For half a minute or so, neither of them spoke. But Billy knew that she was looking at him. Her body was half turned toward him, and he could feel her eyes resting on his face, watching him over the rim of her teacup. Now and again, he caught a whiff of a peculiar smell that seemed to emanate directly from her person. It was not in the least unpleasant, and it reminded him—well, he wasn’t quite sure what it reminded him of. Pickled walnuts? New leather? Or was it the corridors of a hospital?  
At length, she said, “Mr. Mulholland was a great one for his tea. Never in my life have I seen anyone drink as much tea as dear, sweet Mr. Mulholland.” 
“I suppose he left fairly recently,” Billy said. He was still puzzling his head about the two names. He was positive now that he had seen them in the newspapers—in the headlines. 
“Left?” she said, arching her brows. “But my dear boy, he never left. He’s still here. Mr. Temple is also here. They’re on the fourth floor, both of them together.” 
Billy set his cup down slowly on the table and stared at his landlady. She smiled back at him, and then she put out one of her white hands and patted him comfortingly on the knee. “How old are you, my dear?” she asked. 
“Seventeen.” 
“Seventeen!” she cried. “Oh, it’s the perfect age! Mr. Mulholland was also seventeen. But I think he was a trifle shorter than you are; in fact I’m sure he was, and his teeth weren’t quite so white. You have the most beautiful teeth, Mr. Weaver, did you know that?” 
“They’re not as good as they look,” Billy said. “They’ve got simply masses of fillings in them at the back.” 
“Mr. Temple, of course, was a little older,” she said, ignoring his remark. “He was actually twenty-eight. And yet I never would have guessed it if he hadn’t told me, never in my whole life. There wasn’t a blemish on his body.” 
“A what?” Billy said. 
“His skin was just like a baby’s.” 
There was a pause. Billy picked up his teacup and took another sip of his tea; then he set it down again gently in its saucer. He waited for her to say something else, but she seemed to have lapsed into another of her silences. He sat there staring straight ahead of him into the far corner of the room, biting his lower lip. 
“That parrot,” he said at last. “You know something? It had me completely fooled when I first saw it through the window. I could have sworn it was alive.” 
“Alas, no longer.” 
“It’s most terribly clever the way it’s been done,” he said. “It doesn’t look in the least bit dead. Who did it?” 
“I did.” 
“ You did?” 
“Of course,” she said. “And have you met my little Basil as well?” She nodded toward the dachshund curled up so comfortably in front of the fire. Billy looked at it. And suddenly, he realized that this animal had all the time been just as silent and motionless as the parrot. He put out a hand and touched it gently on the top of its back. The back was hard and cold, and when he pushed the hair to one side with his fingers, he could see the skin underneath, grayish black and dry and perfectly preserved. 
“Good gracious me,” he said. “How absolutely fascinating.” He turned away from the dog and stared with deep admiration at the little woman beside him on the sofa. “It must be most awfully difficult to do a thing like that.” 
“Not in the least,” she said. “I stuff all my little pets myself when they pass away. Will you have another cup of tea?” 
“No, thank you,” Billy said. The tea tasted faintly of bitter almonds, and he didn’t much care for it. 
“You did sign the book, didn’t you?” 
“Oh, yes.” 
“That’s good. Because later on, if I happen to forget what you were called, then I could always come down here and look it up. I still do that almost every day with Mr. Mulholland and Mr. . . . Mr. . . .” 
“Temple,” Billy said, “Gregory Temple. Excuse my asking, but haven’t there been any other guests here except them in the last two or three years?” 
Holding her teacup high in one hand, inclining her head slightly to the left, she looked up at him out of the corners of her eyes and gave him another gentle little smile. 

“No, my dear,” she said. “Only you.”

Bamboozle

 I dont think it's fair for a person to be neglected for their overfeeling for something.

Unless the person specifically mentions to you that they like you, don't assume.

Well maybe they have a reason, or plenty of reasons not to say. Maybe they're just confused, maybe they are not looking for love, maybe they dont want you to be distant (there you are), maybe they dont want things to get awkward, or maybe they still want you to be their friend.

No matter how visible it looked to others.

Read that: to others. If you are concern with the others, why didnt you be close friends to them before instead? 

It's just going to shake the ships. It's going to shake the friendship.

Remember, we need not too many people on the ship or the ship will sink.

Nevertheless, it also depends on whoever lets the people to get on the ship?

Too bad i realised this just now. It's not nice to be abandoned just because they thought we like them. At least not until we state it clearly to them. Nope.

It makes you wonder, whatever has happened between both of you, has it not brought any meaning to you after all these times.

Maybe the person is just in one of their confusing stage on wherever you stand in their heart. But right before they could really figure it out, you have way long gone. 

If it's love, then yeay you win! (I guess)

But

What happens if it wasnt actually love?

You are just going to lose a friend. 

People cant just be grouped together and be labelled!

There will ALWAYS be much differences on the way you handle a situation.

If you are good, then much congrats.

If you are not, you gonna rot in hell lah kalau gitu. Most people wont think or wont even bother to think "oh mungkin dia lain dari aku." Nah. People tend to group people or even see other people just like how they see other people. Inception much?

Nonetheless.

What a cool psychic you are or your friends are, man. 

Can i sign up for it too?

Pre-birthday present !

Got it on 23rd. November 2014.

Yeayy!

Thank you Ayah! :* :* :*

Hahahh selekeh. Tak cari lagik screen protector. Aaaaanyway, aku dah order bumper baiiik punya. So kita lihat bagaimana nanti.

P.s. I wish someone could pay for my concert tix to A7x this January :(

friend.

i'd.... rather and prefer to provide silent therapy to a friend than to provide unneeded nag.

20 facts

Been keeping this one quite a looong time. Nak post kat instagram haritu panjang sangat, so... Yeah.

Some 20 facts about me requested by assaleenah 💣💣

1. Tersangatlah mudah rasa awkward. Dan down. Dan pesimis. 

2. I'm sorry if my insecurities tire you but i just couldnt help it.............

3. Manga ish my porn. I dont need porn bcs i got it. TEEHEE.

4. Easily attracted to people. No matter what gender. Cantik ish cantik. Kacak ish kacak. But i ish stwaight. :( 

5. Unless it's icecream, aku rasa apa2 benda yg ada mint, rasa dia macam ubat gigi.... 

6. 2005-2007 would be the years that i would really want to reset and redo all over again if i could.. 

7. Dulu masa kecik kecik minat sangat ziana zain sampai lari rumah naik basikal dek pengaruh maria mariana (yg still ada 2 roda kecik di tayar belakang. Tak sedo diri. Lepastu, balik dengan kereta polis lak uh)

8.  Pernah suka kat sorang budak ni dari darjah enam, sampailah umur 18 tahun. Or 20. Cant remember)

9. Tak pernah ada kawan baik, tapi rasanya sekarang dah ada. Dan ramai :')

10. a boy called me 'ugly' once and it was so sudden i just kept quiet till the next day i broke down and cried. Fuyoh drama tipu je hahahh😝 

11. Berdesing rasanya telinga kalau orang tutup pintu kereta terlebih kuat/buka lock kereta sendiri. Sabar bro, aku belum layak bawak treler lagi 😤

12. 'Slow' - siapa yang penah kena ngan aku, mesti paham pasal benda ni. Maaf BG10..😝

13. Dari kecik sampai sekarang, pernah +-4 kali bela kura kura. Semua ended up lari..🐢🐢

14. Dulu teringin nak jadi lelaki, instead of perempuan sebab ingatkan lagi senang dapat protect adik beradik.. (Entah apa2...)😶

15. Masa kecik kecik penah kena tipu ngan ayah bila ayah cakap auntie rumah belakang tu girlfriend ayah. Dapat tau kena tipu bila aku pi tanya sendiri kat auntie tu. Haaa main2 lagi ngan anak..  😂

16. Kenot tolerate orang berkuku panjang tetambah kalau orang tu Melayu. Ang originally makan hanya menggunakan jari kot. 😪 basuh berak lagi? Haaaaaa

17. Tak gemar aiskrim, cokelat, kek, bunga. (Tapi cokelat dan kek at least boleh makan kan. Pernah pulangkan balik bunga sbb tak tahu nak buat apa dengan benda tu. Dasar kanak2 '-.- )

18. Sampai sekarang still menyesal koyak surat cinta masa darjah enam sebab takut ibu jumpa.. (Ibu saya dulu garang terok! 😂)

19. Dulu selalu jeles dengan orang yang ada abiang kandung. Tapi sekarang...blekh

20. Commitment was, is and still a big word for me.

saya takkan tag sapa sapa sebab benda ni dah lapokk. Kakakakaka.

DONE!

6 november 2014

Pre-chariday yevennnt

Ah haritu sebelum pergi charity event, crash rumah wany wonka kejap!

(Tak ada dalam gambar, kak siti dgn wany wonka. Padahai pi rumah wany :p )

Penerangan.

I learnt that, not all people deserve your word of explanation.

learnt it the hard way, or you'll never learn. At all.

Little thought

"Letting go isn't about giving up, it's about accepting there are things that just can't be."

Rm15 worth of fine dining!

P.s. Oh sorry entreé dia lupa nak snap sebab sedap sungguh! Seabass giteww

Label

Kadang kadang, manusia ni akan selalu keliru.

Apa maksud hubungan dia dengan orang ni? 

Apa maksud hubungan dia dengan orang tu? 

Tambah tambah kalau seseorang tu, adalah seseorang yang tiada pertalian darah, tapi diorang rasa rapat sangat dengan orang tu. Selesa. Sangat selesa bila bersama.

Jadi, untuk legakan hati, otak akan fikirkan label yg sesuai untuk sesuatu hubungan tu. And that's when the term came into contact, subconsciously. Brozone, friendzone, etc. 

Tapi kita taklah berani sangat, 

Sebab kita takut, 

Perasaan kita mungkin tak seiring dengan apa yang orang tu rasa.

Perasaan kita mungkin hanya satu perasaan yang terlebih perasaan.

Perasaan kita mungkin juga, bertepuk sebelah tangan.

Perasaan kita juga, mungkin dah diletakkan pada tempat yng tak betul.

(Suka, tak semestinya cinta. It's more to have feeling extra comfortable towards that person)

Sebab orang tu ada nilai dengan kita. 

Satu bukti, yang sebenarnya dia sangat bermakna buat kita.

Sebab apa? Sebab kita takkan pernah tahu, apa yang orang tu betul2 rasa.

After all, feelings are to be felt, not to be explained, kan?

Jadi, untuk hilangkan rasa kekok, 

atau sebab takut orang tu salah faham, 

tapi pada masa yang sama, kita taknak orang tu hilang dari hidup kita, 

jadi kita labelkan orang tu sebagai 'apa apa'. 

Tapi.. Kalau kau berani, kau tak kisah, dan orang tu juga sama, mungkin kau akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk convey perasaan kau dekat orang tu.

Tapi.. Boleh jadi juga, kau biar je. Biarkan saja segala perasaan itu berlalu pergi. Sebab akhirnya segala perasaan kekok, takut, malu, tu akan hilang, sebab kau akan biar masa menjawab segala persoalan.

Sebab bila kau cuba nak menerangkan sesuatu, kadang kadang kau akan rasa, perkataan tu tak cukup nak gambarkan apa yang kau dah rasa selama ni, dan terlalu susah untuk kau terangkan. Nak cari perkataan yang sesuai lagi. Otak kau tak biasa analisis benda, tiba tiba nak kena 'perah' dalam masa yg singkat. Oh susah bro, susah.

Sebab boleh jadi pihak sana tu berminat nak dengar, apa yang kau cuba nak sampaikan, 

Atau pihak sana malas nak dengar sebab malas nak fikir,

Atau pihak sana buat konklusi sebelum sempat kau habis cakap,

Atau pihak sana tak pedulik langsung pun

Atau kau hanya keliru

Tapi selalunyalah, 

Kalau kita berani nak menerangkan apa apa pun, 

apa yang kita cakap tu, sekerat je. Sekerat lagi simpan dalam hati. 

Yelah, banyak pulak masa dia nak layan kau?

Banyak lagi kawan lain yang dia ada. 

Banyak lagi benda dia nak fikir.

Too bothersome.

Kau fikir, fikir dan fikir. 

Akhirnya kau tak buat apa apa pun.

Senang.

Que sera sera.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

 Masuk akal tak?

P.s.  Atau, kau punyalah suka sangat sangat kawan dengan seseorang tu, sampai kau taknak spoil friendship kau orang. 

Ah that sounds so much cooler.

P.p.s. Nonetheless, everyone has their own interpretations of wrings and wrongs. so if you think you had enough, I think it's fine. It's your life anyway.

Hujan lebat.

i would ALWAYS start thinking worthless matters whenever i'm on the verge of breaking up inside, whenever my period's coming or even whenever i forgot of Him. astaghfirullah..
but mostly i realise, whenever my period is on lah kot. heheh.

macam sekarang, ha ni tiba tiba rasa lonely lah apa lah. whadaheck mannnn. itu lah. once in a blue moon, memang akan ada rasa ni.

there goes the saying, '' don't be in relationship just because you feel lonely.'' Of course, it's not fair kot for the other party. kau dengan dia masa kau bosan saja. kau ingat apa? anak patung? kura kura? meja makan? gila. perasaan orang woi. buatlah macam macam, esok tuhan bagi anak kau rasa apa yang kau buat kat orang lain, ha amacam. tak nak aku. kalau taknak, cakap terus terang, tak nak. jangan nak main reserve, reserve. that;s just like, you're kiv-ing soalan for later. and selalunya next class kita akan ended up lupa pasal soalan yg kita k.i.v. tu. at least soalan tak ada perasaan (or do they?) kalau orang? takkan sebab kita taknak dia sekarang, kita bagi harapan kat dia awal awal dulu kan. tak adil bagi orang tu, sungguh tak adil.

baik aku sorang sorang lagi bagus. so sekarang ni aku tengah praktis suka kucing. esok esok kena bela banyak banyak buat peneman setia kan.

i'm always afraid, like, how do people even learn to accept other people's weaknesses? well maybe the other side could do so, but i  just dont think i myself could handle that. honestly.

dulu, i used to think that, i could seriously can easily accept baik buruk orang. but what if the other party wont do so? now i think otherwise.

i dont know. with time, i changed a lot. maybe it's because my surrounding. how they make me felt. i just.. dont know.

after all, feelings are to be felt, not described or even be typed, right?

Babble babble

Twitter constantly reminds me how i am in different galaxies apart between me and my mates. 

Yeah man, never stop thinking law's just not my cuppa tea. Nevertheless, what isn't then?

Nak pi NY.. Nak rasa.. *meleleh ayaq liuq*

   

Fear.

I wish i could eat anything..

I wish i could be anything i want to be..

I wish i could like whatever i could..

I wish i could love whoever my heart tells me to..

I wish i could live freely as however i wanted to..

..without fear.

Random thoughts

The idea of eating anything without fear is pretty cool.

Random.

I always wanted to be a shapeshifter and have the power of manipulating minds..

Skytrex 1 May 2014

 

 

Skytrex Shah Alam, trimassss!

Pictures.

Used to despise people taking photos of me. But now it's just the only way i could remember everything used to mean something. To me, at least.

Nah.

Gambar masa 30mins worth mdm rafizah's friday lecture class.

A day after Skytrex! 

Do correct me if i were to be wrong

Malaysia's law system is still evolving. Even US had their 200 years moment before having what they have right now.  Untung jadi kuasa veto ni kan, nak masuk campur hal negara lain senang ja. Pakai permissive view, instead of restrictive view Art 2(4) UN charter. Persatuan dunia buat bodo sbb depa kuasa besar. Ya lah.. Alih alih siapa juga yang melantik kalangan persatuan dunia bersatu tu kan...

Buat apa lah nak diagung agungkan orang luar tu?

Jangan lupa US juga yang hantar drones serang Yemen.

Drones tak ada perasaan. Kisah apa dia kalau itu kanak kanak atau wanita?

Iraq pun belum ada ura ura US nak blah dari situ. Aik? Katanya temporary occupation ja? Dok buat apa lagi? Saddam dah mati. Tak puas lagi?

Astaghfirullah...