FUCK LA FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

APASAL BURDENING SANGAT FEELING NI HOIII

tell me why love has to be so illogical but feel so right at the same time?

stop sighing, Ann.

"and sometimes you just want to feel connected."

stupidity

most of the times i'll do things even me, myself would be surprised of.

contohnya, macam semalam.
what the eff i was puffing in front of M, my friend???!!
i just casually asked him one, asked him to light on, and
seconds after, i was casually puffing away with him.
WTF WTF WTF

another 3 days.

of courselahhhhh

dia cakap perempuan tu batch dia
and then dia nak try lagi
and then semalam konvo
and semalam dia kata nak balik awal
bila tanya why he didnt answer
he answered up a call
and tak nak bagitau aku yang dia actually pergi konvo semalam

OBVIOUSLY HE WENT TO SEE THE GIRL

meh. all in all, aku jumpa Zahiaq jugak. and he's in Klang right now. kat firm Ieka M. te he hehe.

Progressment of Project: To un-like F

today is tuesday.
it's been 9 days.
Until my 2-week-promise dissipates.

honestly?
i feel...not bad lah..
I see his smile.
I still think he's cute
He still annoys me
but my heart stopped jumping out of its arena whenever he does that.
and my heart def stopped squealing
EACH and EVERY time whenever he used to smile, and talk to me. and talk to other girls.
so UNHEALTHY okay.
dahlah sekelas, hapedaaaaa

i'm starting to treat him like H, my other super-close-guy-friend.
I started to familiarise myself calling him Baby too!
Just like how I did with H.
I started to feel nothing everytime he calls me Baby
because i know he didnt even mean it after all
Unlike me
I mean, how I used to be lah.

but he's still my eye candy okay!
from time to time
i WILL never stop myself telling him that he's cute
because he reallllly isss cuttteee dearrr goddddd

Someday i'll tarik his pipi and we seeeee how it goes
SOO COMELLLLL!

Silly one week more

Seminggu je lagi you are allowed to be indifferent with him due to your syok feeling to him, Ann.
After that, you can come back and play with him like nothing ever happen.
People like him wont settle with girls like you. You. Particularly you alone.
Tuhan, penatnya suka dekat orang yang tak suka kita balik........
Fuh... but i feel like i'm not doing my best if i dont tell him i actually like him..

No. not this time.
You'll ruin everything!
No more rejection weh.
Tired already doh.
Lord, really, i am so tired

it has been such a fast one month.

Tired.

Sometimes love makes you behave like a stupid.
And for people who constantly disfigures their life will always try to find a worthier one. Every single time.

I cried today. Meh no news.
But hafiz was so nice to handle me like a good friend always do.
Of F.
Now that's bcs of me, myself and I to blame.
Orang tu elok je tak buat apa pun kat aku.
But i will always taint nice people like that with my feelings.
He's a nice friend, maybe that's why my heart sees him in different shades.
A rose shade, i suppose.

And i thought it was perhaps just the physical attraction
no that was not the case Ann
That was not it
I DESPISE these kind of feelings
Makes me weak
Of you
Of your "niceness"
Of stupid me whom has no resistance to these simple little things
That my heart and my brain took decision
To decipher it as complicated stuff.




Or maybe these all are just a phase.
A chapter in one's life
That i must go through
In order to teach me
Friendship
Or even gratefulness.

I hate it when i always have to suffer these moments.
I broke into tears
If it didnt matter then tell me why does it hurt

So many words in the world
Yet so little words i could choose to tell the world on you.

Itu lah ibu dah cakap kan.
Cari orang yang suka kat kita,
Not the other way around.
And now i'm stuck here
Writing about you at 3am.
Maybe i should just sleep on it this time.
Good night

after 2 hugs

okay next week gonna ask his phone and delete this. memalukan lah perempuan perangai gini. bodonyalaaa 

p.s. i longed for a warm hug so much and i got it while i was dreaming last night. i even got that big, warm hug twice! Wuuuuuuu kemains eh. dunno lah how i ended up dreaming about that. but then when i woke up in the morning (which explained why i woke up late this morning!) rasa macam Ya Allah leganya.. rasa macam tonnes of problem is nothing compared to these big hugs i got.

p.p.s. LLB sangat menghabiskan duit okay. duit kelas, duit notes, duit kartrij, duit barang2 office, duit bekalan makanan, duit barang keperluan, ya rabbi

itulah ibu dah cakap tak nak dengar kan

You know when you like somebody,
you're actually imposing a burden to the person?

and sometimes they run away from you.
The feeling is a burdening them.

I really, really like being his friend.
Padahal baru sebulan lebih.
Dan mungkin sebab aku tak pernah jumpa orang yang boleh accept perangai aku yang pelik ni
So mungkin sebab itu juga aku rasa tertarik dengan dia
Or just because dia comel (physical attraction je kot)


So aku dah janji dengan dia.
After two weeks i will stop being weird with him.
Dia cakap "just be yourself".
No I cannot
You might run away from me someday

And i really, really hate thinking that it might.

So take a deep breath, Ann.

Am I in love with you. or am I in love with the feeling?

I really have to sort this out quickly. Time's ticking.

Tapi sekarang kan, aku dah try practice sikit sikit pandang dia.
aku harap lama lama perasaan bila tengok dia, and then jantung aku berdegup kencang tu akan hilang segera.
bila dia pandang aku, jantung aku rasa nak melompat keluar
Bila dia senyum aku rasa macam wahh what a great day
Dan bila tahu dia takkan suka aku balik, my tears would stop welling up. Macam sekarang.
Kontrol, Ann. Kontrol.
These things should cease immediately.
You have got to stop liking people just because they are being nice, super nice to you
Just because they're being polite.
JUst because they can accept you.
Stop being so easy.

Come on.
Takpelah Ann. Kau jaga je lah diri kau elok elok.
Kalau ada tu, ada lah.
Penat lah asyik terjatuh ni.
Kalau jatuh takpe lagi, ini luka berdarah darah.
Boleh tak kau faham yang hati kau ni dah penat?
Brain, stop and behave yourself!

actual arr..eh no. confession? Lol.

" bukan nak cakap lah, tapi muka awak dengan yang tadi tu sama lah."
" muka sama tak sama M, yang saya suka bukan yang itu."

tengah kesiankan diri sendiri

Betul la mak aku cakap. Kalau orang lelaki tu betul betul suka kat kita, dia akan bagitahu sendiri. :(
Mungkin aku ni kurang kesabaran, sebab tu lah kot kan.
rupa pun biasa biasa je, bahasa cantik sangat, pandai pun tidak.
Down nya lah hai

terrible impulse

i was about to let F read this but then meh. i dont know what made me change my mind.
Maybe too much clutter in my brain rn?

probate is not progressing so i'm writing this instead

Apparently nobody ever thought of me as "someone they would be afraid to lose".

Ye lah. until now nobody ever confess to me (as i already did to a number of people. silly.)

hmmmmmmmmm............I wonder what it feels like.


p.s. esok pagi dah kena hantar probate. plus ada presentation right after that. ha ha kill me now please (please dont. i still want to fall in love and be loved back)

Pretty

how to be prettier errday? find someone who thought you are  and spend your eternity moment latergh together. 

If, there is one.

there are so many wonderful people in this world. i just want one. can't i?

two insane people

because they are insane enough to love meeeeeee

ya rabbi sayangnya aku dengan dua ketul manusia niiiiiii

p.s. told them about F and they were like whaaaaaat

Pretty children, better future.

what if i want my future children to grow a lot prettier (and kind of course)? and i don't think by having me as their mom would assist that