No one to blame but me.

It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.

nota2 kecil

tadi tiba tiba nampak satu kotak ni. dan tiba tiba jugak aku rasa rajin bebeno nak menyelongkar.

What did i found?

THIS.

sampai ke sudah aku tak tahu siapa. Katanya budak lelaki, tapi tulisan kemas sgt doh. for sure, ada member2 satu batch nak kenakan aku ni....

Macam kelakar je ada orang nak kenal ngan aku. tapi prank2 pun, berbunga la jugak hati bila dapat surat layang, ehey, nota2 kecik gitu hikhik.

aku dapat masa form 1, so... aku takleh nak agak siapa lah. 

mula2 aku ingat abang angkat aku, si AP. tapi tulisan mamat tu buruk nau (kahkahkah), takkanlah dia pulak. tapi i 

did informed him everytime i got those little notes.

tak sangka ada lagi sbb aku ingatkan aku dah terbuang dah masa kemas2 barang nak pindah rumah dari rumah Perda dulu.

apa2 pun, walaupun ini mungkin cuma prank, tapi setidak2nya benda ni dah maam lebih kurang boost up my confidence level lah.. sebab aku tak suka langsung duduk asrama (tapi kena paksa jugak so yeah).

bila baca balik some of those little notes, the person asked for my address and my picture, yet I don't  remember giving him any. which is good, i think. aku rasa aku tak bagi pun sebab abang angkat dari Manjung tu kata ke aku toksah le bagi2 gambor. Bahaya. I'm glad i followed his words. yelah mana tahu kalau jadi apa2 kan. Aku ni bukannya jenis bangun tahajud (katanya bangun tahajud penghindar sihir.) Lol.

amboi mengimbau. takpelah. cukup sampai sini. Kenangan je pun kan.

while listening to wonderwall by Oasis.

i thought this to myself while drowning in the class. 

"The world is already a noise. So why can't we choose the only noises that we want for the rest of our lives."

Kan?

hidup kena beringat

Sisipan perkongsian ilmu 

Hasan Basri ditanya: Apa rahsia zuhudmu di dunia ini? Beliau menjawab: aku tahu rezekiku tidak akan diambil orang lain, kerana itu hatiku selalu tenang. :

Aku tahu amalku tidak akan dikerjakan orang lain, kerana itulah aku sibuk beramal soleh. 

Aku tahu ALLAH Ta'ala selalu memerhatiku, kerana itulah aku malu jika ALLAH melihatku sedang dalam maksiat. 

Dan aku tahu kematian itu sudah menungguku, kerana itulah aku selalu menambah bekal untuk hari pertemuanku dengan ALLAH........ 

Saudara2ku: 

           Jangan tertipu 

        dengan usia MUDA 

        karena syarat Mati 

         TIDAK harus TUA.

   Jangan terpedaya dengan 

        tubuh yang SEHAT 

       karena syarat Mati 

       TIDAK mesti SAKIT

   Jangan terperdaya dengan 

        Harta Kekayaaan

                Sebab 

    Si kayapun tidak pernah 

     menyiapkan Kain Kafan 

             buat dirinya 

      meski cuma Selembar.

      Mari Terus berbuat BAIK,

         berniat untuk BAIK,

     berkata yang BAIK-BAIK, 

   Memberi nasihat yang BAIK

 Meskipun TIDAK banyak orang 

      yang mengenalimu dan 

   Tidak suka dgn Nasihatmu

        Cukup lah  اللهِ yang 

     mengenalimu lebih dari 

           pada orang lain. 

      Jadilah bagai Jantung 

        yang tidak terlihat, 

     Tetapi terus berdenyut 

     setiap saat hingga kita 

 terus dapat hidup, berkarya 

     dan menebar manfaat 

       bagi sekeliling kita 

     sampai diberhentikan 

              oleh NYA

            Saudara2ku: :)

"Waktu yang kusesali adalah

         jika pagi hingga 

      matahari terbenam, 

  'Amalku tidak bertambah 

            sedikitpun, 

  padahal aku tahu saat ini 

       umurku berkurang"

        (Ibnu Mas'ud r.a)

Nasihat ini utk diri sendiri, utk share dgn kawan2, anak2 & keluarga..semoga Allah memberkati & meredhoi kita. Aamiin..

Mimpi.

Have i wrote here been dreaming about snake last week? like twice or something.

and today, (TA-DA) i dreamt it too. 

there would always be two snakes.

one should always be able to wrap around my foot before i woke up. 

but never bit me.

Takut jugak. dua tiga menjak ni asyik mimpi pasal ular je :( 

Mungkin aku lupa baca tiga kul dgn ayat kursi kot smlm. 

Yes. i think so.

Should i tell this to my parents?

Nah.

Mimpi mainan tidur saja.

Okay nak solat subuh kemudian nak bersiap ke fakulti. 

Babai

necklace.

i hope one day my husband would give me a cute necklace.

because i think it would be really sweet putting something THAT sweet close to your heart.

Eh ke tak. Eher eher eher.

tapi nanti tiap kali mandi nak kena buka dulu. Acamno. Aku ni dahlah sangat 'boleh diharap' kalau bab2 menyimpan barang ni.
Ehkaurantaibelumdapatsiapanakentahtaktahulagidahsibukfikirmacammacamkbye


p.s. terpengaruh dengan lagu Ed Sheeran '-___-

Monster under my bed.

My daughter, Katy, is 6, and has an overactive imagination. She regularly crawls into my bed at night with my husband and I, telling us about the monsters in her room. One, she said, has a black body that looks almost blob-like, with yellow skin on his face and big black eyes. It pins her to her bed and touches her roughly with black hands, sometimes choking her until she can’t breathe. The other one, with red scaly skin and yellow eyes, is really nice. It lives beneath her bed and sits with her after the black monster visits; she says it makes her feel safe again.

This morning I went to do the laundry, and found blood on Katy’s pajamas. I rushed to her room to talk to her, but instead vomited once I flicked on the light. My husband’s body lay in pieces, pools of blood taking up most of the floor. Katy curled up in her bed, her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut. Next to her was the red skinned monster she spoke about. It stared at me with sad eyes, and too shocked to do anything else, I stared back. He started to move towards me and all I could do was stand still, even when it gently placed a clawed hand on my shoulder then crawled underneath the bed.

I looked down at my husband, now noticing his black dressing gown that was torn to shreds, and the rest of the pieces of the mask he was wearing, small yellow pieces.

source from internet.

#np Brian McKnight - One Last Cry

i'm trying my best to be the saviour, so that one day, someday, there'll be somebody who's goin to save me.

Dumbo me

" For you, I was a chapter. For me, you were the book."

Random stranger i need you.

sometimes, i wish i could just pour my dreadful feelings on my Ex to another stranger, cried on their shoulder, and hoping that i will never saw them again.

Stranger is good bcs they wont judge you bcs they dont know you.

stranger wouldnt remind you on whatever you used to feel bcs it's a one hit wonder.

i kinda need this right now.

idk maybe i'm just feeling a little wacky rn. lol

i feel quite suffocated rn.

chest feeling like it's going to burst anytime.

Child planning.

i may have to reconsider my planning to have lots of children. 

if i were to work, and my husband is not rich, we have to have only two, or 3 at much. 

if it were to be more than that, he should adopt kids or something. 

the responsibility, the mood needed. fuh all have to be considered very seriously weh.

buat anak senang, nak jaga tu. jaga bukan boleh main jaga ja. nak kena jaga supaya jadi manusia. jadi orang. kalau takat jaga ja, macam mana dengan masa depan anak bangsa? 

chewah semangat plak aku.

k goodnight.

i failed you, self.

When people you chose to trust failed you 

Patrick was kinda right. trusting them again is my decision, proving me wrong is your choice.

it kinda crushes me inside because i prayed and prayed so hard for my friends not to be my next mistakes.

please don't cry, self.. 

Ini bukan kali pertama. 

dan aku tak rasa akan jadi kali terakhir.

p.s. i dont want to be mysterious. i just want to be who i am with persons i'm comfortable with. 

p.p.s. sadly, they would always be the ones who won't feel the same as i am towards them. :'(

payung

 Kadang kadang, ada payung lebih daripada satu ni bagi kita peluang untuk tahu apa lagi kegunaan untuk payung ni.

payung tak semestinya untuk payungkan kita daripada matahari dan hujan je kan?

kadang kadang payung buat kita nampak pelangi di sebalik hujan yg kadang kadang dilindungi dek awan resah kita.

just make sure the umbrellas that you have right now is an aunthentic and that you really like the purpose of you having them.

macam payung dalam Kingsman tu. 

eleh.

If you can't hang

and my heart screams this the other day...
"you're pretty, but his heart just wants what it wants. it's not you. it's just simply not you."

simply to put... no matter how pretty i become,
he just won't want me back.
and that's all that matters to it.

no matter how many people say it,
i could never brought my thought to keep its silence
from thinking
"cantik pun apa guna, dia still taknak kat aku."
and everytime, i would feel veeeery miserable afterwards.

i used to love the way he makes me feel.
i did, and i still do.

he used to want me when i wanted him.
So can i say i am so grateful just because of that alone?
That tad piece of memories?
No. it was what makes me now.
I grew up with his love. Literally.

Hey, thanks for that.

:(

oh well. 

Today is the day where we are going to send Hakim awayyyy. to his sekolah sains of course. booohooooo my little brooooooooo

wth

i'm just full of surprises, even i sometimes shocked of my capabilities to run wild.....

rubbish

weeeeell.. few days ago, my friend facetime-d me from another country.

and now, i just couldn't stop thinking how wonderful it could be if someone, out there, who's living in another country, is my special one. 

awwhhhh so coool! and awesome! their culture differences, their social differences, all their mentality differences, (positive conducts only, mind you.) i would really love to experience that!

and then few years later, he's gonna come back home with a kid. or worse, a wife. lepastu i would cry like hell, and then i pulak lari ke luar negara. omg epic sungguh drama bersirimu. Lol

ps: how wonderful it would be if someone cool is waiting for you. (MY definition of 'cool', not yours, of course)  fuh fuh. too much too ask, no?

pps: was watching horror movie Mama when suddenly rain poured in (and still) .mencik ah astro ishh potong stim.

missing

is it illegal if you miss someone physically? i mean, not sexually. like, presence. yeah, just that.

that presence lingers on me now.

*damnit stop quoting Fergie's*

puddycattttt

i saw a cat the other day. now i am not sure anymore. whether i fall for the cat, or the owner….. heheheheh

who is the one that says, "to start a frikking new chapter, you just have to let go."

well man, you lied. or wrong.

why is that?

bcs i have been starting new chapters without even closing the previous.

the suffer.

shit.