Sibs

i'm worried. worried of how my siblings would turn out to be.
Lepas tengok ep1 Shameless. How i wish i could be as responsible as Emmy Rossum.
how i could see my sisters and brothers everyday.

ini while we're far away, i couldn't keep track on
whatever's happening to their lives
whatever's happening on their days

i really wish god will always keep them away from straying out of the straight path.
there's too much evil things nowadays
i really wish that whenever they face things that are not nice,
there will always be person, ANY person would do,
to tell them, that this is just the beginning.
learn from your mistakes
but never make mistakes so bad you can't go back.
how do you know?
by living.
you know, stopping people from living will never really stop them from dying though..

and mom.
i pray that mom is given
more-than-enough-strength
more-than-enough-patience
more-than-enough-wisdom
more-than-enough-taqwa
to face dad

i don't know what will happen in the future
since whatever's happening, happened.
i can only hope our family will forever stick together
no matter what.

aaamin.

birthday birthday birthday

can't wait to buy my classmate, F, a present!

she and her friends were nice enough to buy me bracelet on my birthday.

So...what would she like ehhh? Hmmmmm

13 days more. Should Ann end it earlier? I dont think i could carry on. Honest.

Who knows this piece would brought up so much sadness in one song?

I don’t care if it’s a lie
Who cares if it’s not the truth
You’re in my arms right now, that’s what’s important
Because if it’s you, I would be the victim multiple times
I can’t have you but I can touch you
When you call my name with your sweet lips
It’s you in the end, even if it hurts, it’s you
Every time your hand touches me, my breath stops
I swear I’ll give myself to you
You’re pretty because you’re rough, you’re attractive because you’re dangerous
I know I’ll get hurt every time but I like your games
There’s no reason why I can’t do this, I’ll give you my everything
I just need to be by your side
This is what I mean
Whenever you say I’m too much
Whenever you say it’s over with a sad face
Whenever you make me nervous, strangely, I get even more attracted to you
You have so much charm, you’re so good at controlling me
As if you’ll come to me but won’t, you drive me crazy
You know that I can’t leave you
Just like a boomerang that always comes back no matter how hard you throw it
I try to stop but when you call me
I stop where I’m going and run to you
With a face of an angel, you shake me up every time
Is it your nice body, is it your scent of a woman?
When I kiss your lips, I bow my head
And swear that I’ll give myself to you
You’re pretty because you’re rough, you’re attractive because you’re dangerous
I know I’ll get hurt every time but I like your games
There’s no reason why I can’t do this, I’ll give you my everything
I just need to be by your side
You can use me, you can play me
I know I’ll be ruined but I choose you anyway
I don’t need your everything, I can just have half of you
I just need to be by your side

bittersweet

I used to want to be wanted. But now i just want to be loved back.

Rr

If it brings any good than harm, please,
By all means, please let the one who needs to know, know.
If not, let's keep it from them who shouldn't (know)

2016-2017 friends

Dear God, thank you.
You put me through thunders and rains and hurricane.
But you've also given me best of friends that i could ever ask for.
I am going to embrace all them, and cherish them, because I love these friends so very much.
They'll never know how much they've been very nice and supportive to me.

Because you will never know of what will be
Who knows in the near future life's going to treat you harder. or better.
All that changes people.

I will appreciate them
While our feelings toward each other are still here
While we are still around each other
I wish i could show them or make them feel i appreciate them.
Kalau aku kaya raya aku dah beli sorang satu motor ducati dah hahahahh
And i pray.

I've grown a lot due to these circumstances you've given me.
I can finally see the hikmah.
Maybe God just wanted me to be better with time.

I'm imagining it's as if i am rough stone and these hurricanes and drought and monsoon are cutting me into shapes so I could achieve the final form (amboi macam majin buu) of diamonds.
I really hope so.
Thank you god for giving me such opportunity by letting me know these understanding group of people and giving me chance to be their friends.
I know i've been careless with life before.

But one thing i could never stop doing, is to love these kind of people carelessly.
I really hope i could bring rainbows and that nice before/during rainy feeling (i love rainnnn) and put smiles on people's faces whenever they thought of me.
and if possible, i could create unicorns and magic too! Hehe
I love these people very much and I really hope we could go to jannah together.
That would be very, very nice, isn't it? :)

and again, thank you God.
and now i just hope these changes could bring the same to my siblings. and my mom. and dad.