is this really worth it anymore?

I ended up crying so bad to Ayah last night. It happened that he called me up at the wrong time I guess. I thought of going back and crying at the corner of my room and get to bed silently just like I always do. But yesterday Ayah just happens to call me and I broke into tears to him saying I'm too stupid for this shit.

And I still couldn't get back home after getting early to bed twice just to wake up at 2 o clock to do stuff that could've take couple hourse for normal people.

Maybe it's time that I accept the fact that I'm just not that clever anymore. Where it was such a breeze to read and get it all in your head just by reading it once. 

I am what a stupid girl. A clever girl would've gone and chase her dreams, unlike me being cosy in here and hassling people.

I really felt alone yesterday. I really felt terrible. I am so comfortable at being alone now I think I should start pushing people away once again. Too much noise. Too crowded. Too much caring has been given. Too much love to be given to wrong people.