heated sahur

well no i am not referring to the lauk sahur. But it's my mom. I was sad I could not balik kampung awal since this MCO takes place. And then the client does not make it easier for me. Tiba tiba my mom never thought better of me. She said i sengaja tak nak balik raya. Am i that terrible? Really? I am tired of being thought bad of. Really. You give people chance to start again but they dont seem to be doing the same to you. Really? Teruk sangat ke aku ni? I couldnt stop but to think if it was any of my younger siblings this wont happen. Havent you done enough damage to me? 

Thankfully my dad took over and helped me with what needs to be done. That's it. When people have problem, you lead them pathways, instead of blocking them with your emotions. I understand. Youre sad when i said i couldnt go back. But please.. again, you hurt me with the edges of your sharp words. I may seem like silly all the time, but that's better rather than walking as a cold bitch you've made me become one before. You'll never understand the impact of the sort of mental abuse you gave me in my younger years and how much I was willing to throw every single thing when i learnt what dad did to you. But I guess the lamb is just a lamb. and a lion is just a lion since a lion would never understand what terrified really means to a lamb. 

please forgive me god for i have feelings too and i cant always brush it off