Kekurangan

I have too many weaknesses at work and in a few couple of months soon i will be reaching year 2. I already told my boss that I am resigning next year because I don't think being a lawyer suit me much. Compared to those old days somehow I just got through the day or maybe I am just bored and tired of life. How dare I think of that when the dead want to get their lives and live their lives again right? I think i am losing my motivation for life. I am feeling very lonely in a room full with people. I feel that emptiness whenever i laugh. maybe i just have to start reading quran more often every now and then but nowadays i am always tired and wants to lie down whenever i get the chance to. 

What i can do right now is that to get busy, but i guess it gets worse when i learn that i can't even do light work that well. 

Or maybe i jut need a long break. a long vacation from everyone. everyone has their own lives. with me being gone for a bit, i dont think people would mind kot.

Soon I'll be hitting thirty and i still dont have anyone that can even proudly say to me and everyone around me that he meant everything he says to me, that he loves me genuinely, that i am his life and he wants me to be huge part of his life. That would be great. That would be an honour to me. I guess i am getting tired of waiting. But i guess i could even say maybe i am not the right one for anyone, ergo, here i am, feeling lonely again.

What is wrong with me? There are so many fishes in the sea they say but why. what is wrong with me that nobody good wants me that much? 

And here come these acnes on my face. good god i dont think i can handle this good. I dont even have the money to face this kind of weakness. someone even said they looked like kurap. i havent even really look at them, and i guess it was right, because when i looked in the mirror i see this hideous person with nothing much and no one who really loves that they want to spend time with her without her even asking. and i thought my hair and my scalp are the worst thing ever.

I guess something is really wrong with me after all.   

I am not sure whether i should post this out or not, but since i tell no soul about my blog and even hide it from public, so why not