Mama

Yeah we used to call her that once.
Until one day little nad heard from her Ustazah that it was more afdhal if we were to call our mom as Ibu. KAHKAHKAH

and there was no turning back.


Now it's Ibu.
My mom was a very, very difficult to approach. I always find myself far from her back when I was little. My dad was hardly home since he always had to attend 'operasi' given it's a part of his job. Soooo I was very close with Kak Siti our domestic helper. She went back Indonesia to get married after almost ten years giving her service to our family. 

My mom. Now she changed quite a lot since then. She's slimmer, she enjoys her life more, she became more understanding, she became more attentive, more loving.... I really enjoy being her kid now lah pendek kata. 

Moms do have this superpower. She just knows it when I'm having issues with my personal life. I always keep it to myself since she too has her own problem to attend to. But it won't hurt sharing a few things so that she would know everything is alright with me. 

Just sometimes I wish hard that I am a better daughter to her. Sometimes I just had to make space in order to keep my own sanity intact. When she cries, I cry. Silently. All tough on the phone. Left with none the moment I hang up. 

Like this one day I cried because I miss somebody badly. Or something happened but I chose not to tell anyone since it was petty. Or because somebody is happier without me. Well you couldn't just call them/him to tell him that kan. I just couldn't. So I always ended up crying it out and loud. Theeeen out of nowhere she would call me up. Uh oh. Had to pick up the calls lah kan. Justtt had to do make up some white lies. They are always coincidental. The calls. So I don't want to paint any picture to her that im not happy here. It won't justify everything. So I would always pick up her calls and smiles through my tears.

After all, this is my choice. 

This is my own design. 

Bear with it.