Kekurangan

I have too many weaknesses at work and in a few couple of months soon i will be reaching year 2. I already told my boss that I am resigning next year because I don't think being a lawyer suit me much. Compared to those old days somehow I just got through the day or maybe I am just bored and tired of life. How dare I think of that when the dead want to get their lives and live their lives again right? I think i am losing my motivation for life. I am feeling very lonely in a room full with people. I feel that emptiness whenever i laugh. maybe i just have to start reading quran more often every now and then but nowadays i am always tired and wants to lie down whenever i get the chance to. 

What i can do right now is that to get busy, but i guess it gets worse when i learn that i can't even do light work that well. 

Or maybe i jut need a long break. a long vacation from everyone. everyone has their own lives. with me being gone for a bit, i dont think people would mind kot.

Soon I'll be hitting thirty and i still dont have anyone that can even proudly say to me and everyone around me that he meant everything he says to me, that he loves me genuinely, that i am his life and he wants me to be huge part of his life. That would be great. That would be an honour to me. I guess i am getting tired of waiting. But i guess i could even say maybe i am not the right one for anyone, ergo, here i am, feeling lonely again.

What is wrong with me? There are so many fishes in the sea they say but why. what is wrong with me that nobody good wants me that much? 

And here come these acnes on my face. good god i dont think i can handle this good. I dont even have the money to face this kind of weakness. someone even said they looked like kurap. i havent even really look at them, and i guess it was right, because when i looked in the mirror i see this hideous person with nothing much and no one who really loves that they want to spend time with her without her even asking. and i thought my hair and my scalp are the worst thing ever.

I guess something is really wrong with me after all.   

I am not sure whether i should post this out or not, but since i tell no soul about my blog and even hide it from public, so why not

sad

It has been three days since I lost my laptop charger. Kept thinking about it being left somewhere where nobody sees. Cold. Dark. Alone. Sedihnya... I'm so sorry, charger.......

thank you charger, you have been good to me.

I lost my charger :( feeling so guilty since I hadn't even realised I lost it until I reach Subang Airport. Maybe it's in better hands now.. sedih weh.. bukan senang nak dapat.. and I lost it just like that..

Had to buy a new one since my laptop must always be with me.. I went to the previous shop where the laptop was bought and I almost got tricked into buying a third party charger (where he claimed it was original) for rm280! Siao ey. I told him that I want to go to other shop first to have a look. Immediately he asked for my price and I just put rm190. He said ok and told me the warranty was 3 month when I insisted an original charger from him. Saying only his shop was the only one left with the original charger and quickly open the receipt book to write down. Alhamdulillah my heart said no. And I walked away from the shop and went into ALL IT. Can you believe what I found out? That the original one wont even cost me rm280 lol. And the ALL IT boy told me only third party chargers are available in these hypermarkets. And that it would be better to buy at the hypermarket since the receipt was a printed receipt instead of the one where they need to write down every details one by one. Thank you Google. At least I googled up the price range I'm expected to pay for losing my original charger. I told my story to the ALL IT boy and he told me all the above. Cuba teka how much it costs me? Frikkin sixty five ringgit je ok! Comes with 3 months warranty. Yang penting I chose the same power for the charger to be paired with the laptop. I tried asking for a better charger with longer warranty but the power outage is too high hence is not compatible with my laptop unless I want to fry my laptop(!) eventually. So... Yeah. Thank you adik adik ALL IT.

I almost. Alllmost wanted to blame the race of the seller. (what a sly seller kan??) When I was waiting for my turn to pay for the parking ticket there was this guy before me was rushing and he really seem in a rush when he got to the door and turned to me and said I could get the parking ticket for free if I show my receipt buying things in the Low Yat at the ticket counter next to the elevator. He didn't have to do that, he didn't even gain anything even if he does, but why did he? Alhamdulillah I saved my portion for the parking ticket. 

So I was thinking to myself, it's on you to decide whether to do or not to do, there is no one to blame for the choice that YOU, YOURSELF make for your own life since it will affect YOUR lives. There may be a few variables which would affect your way of thinking, but in the end, it's the choice you make that determines your steps in this world. 

Until it happens, good, bad, who knows?

The island

No. Not Gilligan's Island. Redang. I really wanted to go to my office trip since I never been to Pulau Redang........ But then work life came crushing and swooped me away from it :(

 

Now with the flight ticket bought, I don't really care anymore whether it's hearing or case management. It's not as if I could just cancel it off anytime now right...... I would be scolded (and be travelling alone in Kelantan!) in front of other people. Boss said we are going some other place after this Redang trip. Hmm... Let's just doa yang baik baik, wait, and see....

I was soooo excited for the trip I even bought two new swimsuit sets!. I even bought swimming goggles with prescription lenses. I almost bought full faced snorkelling goggles tauuuu eiii. Patutla dah hampir hampir nak dekat trip ni somehow I lost interest a bit. Macam pelik juga but oh well.

Didn't think or show much expression in front of others since it will just be making me a lot more sad and upset than I already am.. Dah la tak dapat pergi, kena sambung kerja pulak... But I guess look on the bright side, Di! And this is just me being too soft with myself. Hang ada kerja kot... Masih dapat gaji penuh.. Seniors semua baik dan suka bagi aku makan best best. So many people out there who gets pay cuts, forced to retire, forced to resign, bad and toxic working environment.... First world problem huh

Dah la my cuti the other day got cancelled I couldn't even go to my Penang trip with the girls. Last last bukan aku pun yang hadir untuk kes tu oh my god I was like whatdeheck....asdfghnxndndnfhfhfjfbfhdusoslshdyzyh

rumah sewa oh rumah sewa

Looks like I need to find a new house to rent.. We just had an office meeting and my boss told us that he'll be fixing a travel allowance for me since this pay-per-travel isn't working best financially.

Hmm... Truthfully kan... If only I were an asset to the office kan... If that was the case, he wouldn't mind I'd say. Tapi Aku hanya seekor ikan... Oh well

I'm googling stuff and saw this Speedhome. Doesn't need deposit but I need to pay extra for the insurance stuff thingy since they are insuring the landlord and tenants as well. What i understand from the website is that you only need to pay extra for the first time you're entering your first house, and then the following month you only need to pay for the rent house (lah kot?)

I'm quite sad thinking I need to leave my present house since the landlord, the parking spot, the surrounding, the JMB, are all the things I have grown accustomed. Hmmm.... 

The traffic is now quite a hassle for everyday trip for me even though I always wake up early. Time. I need to wake up very early to get ready now that I need an hour at least to get to the office. Minyak. My myvi drinks a lot (like the owner la heheh) and also the toll pergi balik dah rm10 lebih. Not forgetting the office parking that needs to be paid daily (min. Rm7 - max RM10). 

Maybe it's for the best.....?

On another note, 

This one took almost rm1000 out of me since Bebo been sounding weird and couldn't take more than three persons in the car without bumping the roadbump harshly. Alhamdulillah I managed to negotiate with my dad to prolong things so that he'd pay for my insurance and roadtax at least until next year. I'm really living my life this year since next year I need to really start 'ikat perut' and just survive unless I move back to my kampong. Heheh.

I don't think this lawyering is working for me. Being PA is, maybe not lawyering. I have yet to find any lawyer skill of mine that could really benefit my office and I dread that every single day. I'm just being extra careful with myself, just so that it won't pressure me enough to encourage me to do stupid stuff. Don't get me wrong. Pressure is good, it builds you. But i find myself everyday at the intersection where I am trying so f hard not to go back where rainbows and smiles and food and love won't bring me back to the ground anymore. 

Repair

New heels who dis

New heels for the shoes costs me rm80! (tambah 9.90 lagi dah harga kasut lol) But I really really like this shoessss. Sapa suruh Bata tak keluarkan lagi kasut macam ni?? I could've bought my 2nd and 3rd court shoes but y yu du disss to me Bata??!!!!