Fa inna ma'al usri yusrho?

 It's like..

Well, the world would still keep spinning whether you're there or not.

Maybe today is one of the day where I really wish I have someone I could really bare my soul too. I just want to cry and cry at him. And I really wish it was him. Only him. No one else.

I guess he is only a human, after all. And he is really at his lowest right now. Maybe this is where God says to me (if he could speak directly to me),"Look, this is why I haven't really have a plan of you with anybody else yet."

I don't think I can do this anymore.

I have never have doubt in my God. But I am such a lowlife servant. Am I even worthy to be born into this world?

Should I walk away from here, and run as far as I can?

me'nate

My family was here for the weekend! As we all know, my parents will move quite near us within the next two weeks.

My dad got promoted and to be promoted, he needs to move to Seremban. The house given was a mess. I can only pray my dad's house affairs can be resolved quickly and with ease. I won't write about it here since it was such a let down, but please pray so that our family could live together happily, at least until my dad retires..

And my superior is gone for a few days. His mother fell ill and was readmitted to the Hospital. O Allah, The Most Merciful, The Healer, The All-Hearing.... please grant her much comfort and ease in order for her to fight her illness...

And alhamdulillah my superior belanja-ed me this cool tumbler! I've tested its capability to hold hot water and until 4pm the water is still suam! Not bad for a pretty face ehhh..

And also look! A friend got me this! Right when my bag decided to betray me just after two weeks (jenis bawa barang tak ingat dunia...)

ta-da!

He said he never got me anything so he decided to get me this bag...... Semoga murah rezeki selaluuu. Tak belanja aku beg ni pun aku dah doakan kau, kawan!

And this shoes... My favourite shoes... Finally I had to let it go... Thank you for your service ..

run and drive

I escaped from my job today. I just drove and drove. Found myself in Shah Alam. Maybe I had panic attack. Maybe I do have some negative thoughts. Against whatever happened between my little sister and my mom. And my dad. Maybe I don't want my sister to end up like me. Damaged like I am now. Maybe I hate myself. For not being clever enough. For not being bright enough. As much as my ex-colleague is. And that's why she is one of the partners now. And I'm here, still being scared of commitment and talking to clients, alone. 

I think I got better when I get to speak with Jie. Been sooo long since we had a chance to chatttt. Aaaaaaaaaafhdjdkkdlsl. Finally I get to give Adam the book on Dinosaur. Yayyy. I hope he'll really enjoy ittt.

Then I went to sweat my body off. Such a productiveeee dayyy.

Time

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3558672047485381&set=a.465986793420604&type=3

Only time will tell.

But no. Maybe it's time for me to make way

"why", he asked me.

Most of the time I do wonder myself "what is wrong with me?" and "Why can't I seem to love myself?" 

Am I such a broken good

perfume

Somebody got me a very nice perfume..........

*Insert 10000x puppy eyes emoticons here*

Lo and behold.....

Wangiiiiiii. Thank youuuu😍😍😍 😭😭😭

Yayy. So now I can cross one perfume out on my list!

Mandi sungaiiiiii semangkissss

I never knew roasted marshmallows with biskut hup seng is sooooo fun to eatttttt 

rezekiiiirezekiiii

Alhamdulillah tuhanlah perancang rezeki...

Yayyy dapat lauk harini dari kawan kiteeeeerr

Kawan-kawan Aku nie memang suka spoil Aku dengan makanan.... I'm not complaining... Rezeki jangan ditolak bala jangan dicari kekdahnya...

Kena bersabar niiii... Tunggu kemaslahatan kualiti umai. So tak boleh makan terus. Nak pi masak nasi ni. Lalaalalaa.. jazakallahu khairan kasira my friendddd

emergency

My sister cried so hard because she couldn't eat her bread. It pains her so much that I asked her to go to clinic. Alhamdulillah a few days ago a few hundreds were cashed into my account from one of the insurance my parents took for us. So I used that money to bring her to the clinic. It broke my heart when I asked to go to clinic and she said she didn't have any money. Alhamdulillah your sister can fully utilized for your sake in this situation!

Turns out the inside of her ears were swelling with more smelling on the right one. So the doc have her eardrops and some antibiotic. And also to come back if the swelling and the pain still doesn't subside after she finishes her antibiotic.. let's pray some good for my sister!

kek minyakku kerehhh

Tepung gandum + baking powder diayak

telur, Susu pekat Manis Dan minyak jagung dipukul

aduk perlahan-lahan. Jangan overmix katanya. Satgi jadi keras 

nampak macam berharapan. 165 degree for 40mins. Next time aku cuba 20mins bakar, kemudian lagi 20mins tu nak cover dengan aluminium foil supaya tak gelap nau kek aku.

VERDICT: Keras.......... Sedih......... Keras dan merekah di tengah.... Warna gelap habis.... Takpelah ni kira percubaan la kan...

vaksin PT. 2

I only took pictures during observation time. Felt so safe with this attire hahahh.

didnt even stop to take pictures at the booth anymore since the variants are getting vicious. 

ciken soup for the cold souls

The day where I made chicken soup with red dates and barley. Not too bad, I suppose. Rasa sangat sihat okay.

Banana cake daaay

Step 1: prepare your mould

Step 2: Filter all the flour, baking soda, baking powder

Step 3: Beat your quarter cup of brown sugar + 4 eggs

i used six bananas. Next time, I shall use more to give it more taste of bananananas.

next you smash them

prepare your half cup of yoghurt.

put in yoghurt, smashed bananannas, melted unsalted 250g butter and a pinch of salt. I used Emborg bake & cook butter which I melted for thirty seconds in the microwave after I left it outside at room temperature for at least four hours.

wooopps, mould was too small, so I used this tray instead.

preheated it for 20mins beforehand at 170 degree C. When I turn in the batter, I baked it at 170 degree for 15mins, then I turned it down to 160 degree C and proceed to bake for another 30mins.

ta-daaa!!

VERDICT: baby sister said I need to use more bananannanass next time. But other than that, it was tastyyy!

saaaleee

Yayyy. Lotus tengah sale waktu niii. So I had to grab this oneee. Ingatkan nak beli yang rm74 tu je. Panasonic warna hijau. Cantikk. Tapi yang sale ni dapat dua jar dengan dry mill. So terpaksa lah amek yang ni... Harap harap boleh pakai berpuluh tahun lah.

Mom and friends

It was never about the value of the gift. But the thoughts they put into the matter. Maybe that's what it takes for you not to feel lonely. And feel forgotten. My mom is always good for doing these stuff to us her kids. Ada je benda dihantarnya. Ice-cream lah, Lychee, Kueh mueh, telekung, so many thingssss

ya Rabb, please give her the best Jannah there is to our good mothers.

And to my friends. From time to time ada je rezeki yang diorang kongsi dengan aku. Macam-macam bentuk! And I couldn't stop thanking God for letting them have the time to think of me. Because me, such a nobody, such a lowlife, good-for-nothing creature, and they still think of me. God, I am humbled by these. All the time. Thank you God. Thank you for always reminding me that sometimes my friends still have time to think of me, such lowlife, lonely friend, good-for-nothing friend.

I am always open to text my friends who made me feel the best of them once upon a time, but I am always afraid I could be a bother.. there's nothing worse than bothering your friend with unnecessary things. Consumed the time of their lives for some stupid things. I x want to do that. Thank you God. Thank you friends.

little party for my sis

Shes done with her thesis finally! Now what's left is just another paper. Wishing you the very best, little sis!

Ta-daa!

hot to make your blade sharp again 101

Use aluminium foil.

Dun-Dun--DunDunnnn

It worked! I don't know why it became watery, but it works! (Don't ask, Ive been trying to get the turmeric stain to get out sincer forever! ughhhh)

Laksa lagii Pt. 2

Bahan-bahan untuk dikisar 1

Ni aku bakar pakai lighter je. Lilin ke dapur gas ke takdak kat rumah ni.

Kisar halus halus! Kalau tidak, satgi hang nampak tenggel timbul bits of chillies. Stressssss. Dah kena menangguk Dan kisar lagi sekali! (Aku la tu!)

Bahan-bahan untuk dikisar 2:

 Kalini pakai mackerel-in-a-can. Satu tin sahaja. Dan nenas!

Aku blend ikan dulu. Dah habis blend ikan-ikanan baru blend nenas menggunakan blender yang sama (anyway tengah hari tadi baru je aku usha mixer grinder Panasonic yang dekat rm400 tu ada empat mixer, satu mixer stand. Macam cool. Tengoklah bila bila Ada rezeki lagi)

Barang-barang Yang perlu dihiris:

1. Aku letak bahan kisar bawang dulu. Sampai mendidih. Baru aku letak isi ikan yang dah dikisar. Aku dah ambil gambar, tapi sekarang ni phone Aku jadi lambat betul. Tak tahu lah kena. Gambar dah banyak kot Aku delete zzzzzz.

2. Lepastu masuk kisaran nenas Dan air.

3. Pehtu baru masuk dedaunan, Bunga jantan Yang Telah dibelah empat, Dan juga asam keping. Kalini Aku masukkan juga asam jawa satu sudu kecil. Padu juga rasa dia.

Verdict: Kalini punya kuah laksa rasa dia lebih ikan ya kawan kawan. Tentu korang rasa duh Di hang masak laksa kut takkan nak rasa kambing tiba tiba kan apooo. Oh tak, haritu Aku pakai sardine dua tin kot. Tapi tak rasa macamni. Kalini Aku dah pandai sikit. Aku letak bawang merah lebih. Bawang besar Dan kecil. Bawang putih pun Aku letakkk.

Alhamdulillah padu. Tapi. Eh banyak tapi. Blender Aku kecil so satu tin tu Ada like 3 ketul ikan besar2. Aku buat dua trip tapi Tu la blender kecil kan. Dia tak blend betul tapi Aku terpaksa campak je dalam periuk sebab dah terlebih letak air lulz.

Angels

I have done things I'm not proud of, I've felt and sometimes still feel feelings I shouldn't have feel.

These pandemic is bringing the worst out of me. Maybe not only the pandemic to be blame for, but also time that is passing.

I am so lucky to have these friends. It's like one way of God telling me. "Di, you are not alone. I know you think you are, but you are not. My good servants are surrounding you. Just take a good look and try harder to learn to appreciate more." And I did. And I found my peace alas.

I have such limited resources to retaliate to these people whatever shape of love they are sending me, but I still have my prayers. And prayers are not something to look down at. What more, when the prayers are wishing nothing but well and goodness to other people. 

Abu Darda reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “No Muslim servant supplicates for his brother behind his back but that the angel says: And for you the same.”

I may be selfish, but I find my peace by praying goodness to others, because I am praying for myself too. For me to be as good as they have been to me. For them will never know how much it means to me, how suffocated I was losing in my despair and sometimes I couldn't push my legs back in order to find the surface to take a breath. I just feel like my body is being taken away by the current. 

God must have been feeling so sad. Because I was not grateful enough to appreciate the life which He has given to me. Now, it makes me feel better when people put effort for me as much as I did for them. It makes me feel better when people say that out loud. It makes me feel better when I strive to be better and good and succeed at it. Even not at one go. Even if it will take a few hundred times. 

What has passed is past. I shan't dwell in my past. The past might not be a good idea to stay in, but at least, I must pull myself together and move forward. Be better. If person A does not see it, doesn't mean I should still be dancing around person A. People make effort for people they think deserve to be in their lives. I have stopped caring for those who aren't. And for those who are, I try to care more for them. 

It's never a wonderful feelings when the person you miss is not there at the end of the phone line anymore. Not there to see you anymore. And the only medium for you to do so is through God. It's so exasperating. 

Well I am in no team since both are the two people I love most. But when one of them start to do whatever they did to me, I can't help but to hate their action. You did that to me, I could handle it. But why are doing that to other people too? The ones which I really care about. I am just a human. I try to be kind. I try to be understanding at times. But sometimes I just couldn't. So what I did was, I leave it to God. Pray that God will show them ways to be happier by not hurting somebody else.

ayam masak taktau

So.... Gua teringin sangat lauk orang kenduri niii..so gua taktau nak Google apa. So resepi yang jumpa ni pun tak ikut 100%.

Jooom masaaakk!

serbuk kunyit + garam. Ketepikan.

missing: lengkuas.

kasi blend. Ni sebelum masuk cili kering

kasi goreng dulu ayam kitaaa

with the same Frying oil, masukkan bahan bahan Bintang kulit kayu lawang flower agitchewww

masuk bahan kisar. Aku masukkan Cheyenne pepper juga ni. Durhaka. Hekhek. Lepastu tunggu sampai pecah minyak. Api kecil je. Karang melompat lompat sambey tu.

Rupe gini le. 

masuk ayam dah goreng sesikit tadi tu, pandan, daun limau purut, tomato. Kacau sebati. Pehtu baru masuk santan dan gula garam. Kacang peas pun. Kacau sebati dan Tunggu hingga mendidih.

tadaaaa