New Year's kissessss

Nakkkk.

I want to do it happily with someone who I loveeeeee and who loves meeeeeee back as much and I love him very much tooooo.

I want a halal New Year's kissssssssses gahhhhhhhhh

how strange

How strange that my imagination running so wild that I picture you in one of those comfortable chair, reading. and me bringing hot chocolate to you while giving you a kiss on your forehead. Now that's wild.

birthday

Current dilemma:

I intended to go back since it would be my birthday this Friday. But due to poor planning, I haven't even gotten my bus ticket yet (on a Sunday morning). Been trying to access all the website but it seems that the only available ticket is only this morning (Aeroline bus) and none on the TBS app. Laundry pun tak terbuat lagi since I skipped it on Saturday morning for Aquaria getaway (heheh) 

Now I think I need to inform my Boss that maaaaybe I would go in for Monday and Tuesday (and replace it to Chinese New Year week instead), so since Wednesday is a public holiday, that leaves Thursday and Friday. And I should get my leave on Friday lah since my test is on a Saturday. Should I take my day off on Thursday too? I could just move my morning appointment on my Thursday to Monday instead tho...

Nak balik pun I'm kinda short of money now since I had to get a new handbag (sebab putus tali. Tiga kali Raya dengan bag Tu. UwU) and one of my intended goals is having year end promo 20% (had to top up almost rm300 for this purpose.  Haihss) 

Pukul berapa my dad would be very rich and keep on giving me monthly allowance ni (20k as monthly allowance pun ok hiks) ish heheh

I really want to celebrate with my family but since my birthday would be on a Friday and Saturday is test, now where that would leave me? A lonely birthday, I guess. But then bunbun told me she would get to me on that Friday and have a meal with me yayyyy. So that's good. Ok dah now I made up my mind. I will keep my cuti. diam diam in my house (so that I could be content with watching a lot of horror movies), have my mind peace from work for a while, study for my test, and later have my birthday peacefully and sit for my test and that's it yay! Thank you for reading heheh.

tingkatkan prestasi!! hiappp!!

My friend just gotten herself a laptop from her Boss!!

She even got a cute card that says Thank you for your best effort! Bestnyaaaaa. 

One day I wish I could be that good wehh. Tak payah minta pun Boss bagi sendiri as appreciation. I really hope I would know what I'm doing one day.. 

Now this motivates me by 35% to work better and has put down my motivation to stop doing litigation by 35% juga !!

baik

Bahaya juga dengan orang baik ni. Baik sangat rasa nak jatuh hati je selalu. 

Aduh penat

Nak kutip tiap kali.

putus

Ya. Tiga tahun. We had great Raya together thrice.

Maafkan aku. Tapi itulah. Semua benda nak kasi tak boleh juga kan. But then. I really had so many good times with you. You were right there through my happy and sad moments. 

I had to move on by today. I literally used plastic bag today tau dak.............. tali beg aku putuih..... For two days I carried my bucket bag like a baby. 

So last night I saw 

post cdey

I really want to go to Sarawak...

Thought my employer could sponsor one, but the clients are not paying until now.... thought of using my savings tapi savings tak banyak dah since I had to spend some for my car last month.. Sedihnya...

Last strategy to fork out money to buy her a wedding gift. Maybe a microwave! 

But I really want to see my closest friend getting married up close..... Why.....

Post updated: omg I love you Bosssssssss

Hekhek

Sarawak gwurlll

Perasaan Aku bercampur baur sekarang ni.

I'm losing my closest friend to her husband :(

On the morning she's taking her flight to Sarawak baru rasa.

I always, always pray for God to easy her way in every way. Especially during her hard times. Especially during the moment I couldn't help but I can only look from the outside. 

Kawan kawan dia ramai weh. Aku nak dekat pun cam malas. Her weekends will be filled with responsibilities and funs. But she never seem to mind. 

She is one of my good friends who always, always inspire me to be a better person. The one who I can always look up to.

There were a few hiccups between us, but she doesn't seem to mind. She values friendships. She values food (like me, hehe). She's great. I wish her happiness. This is one of those friends you don't seem to talk much but deep inside your friendship means a lot. 

Kalau aku kaya, aku dah belanja dia selalu. Belanja dia makan. (Macam dia selalu buat untuk aku) . Beli hadiah wedding besar-besar. Macam peti ais ke. Microwave ke. TV ke. The best brands there is. Ughhh tak boleh panjang langkah bila limited resources ni. 

So sekarang ni pukul berapa nak ada sugar daddy yang boleh tajakan dengan baik hatinya ni? Hmmmmmm 

little hope

I hope Ash is having fun with me being her friend for all these times. 

Because I am. I really am. 

And I also hope A will deliver safely.

And all my friends with their babies to always be happy.

And along those lines I just hope I would have the same chance. To be happy with someone who would be dying and happy to be with me, as happy as I am to be with him. Being together.

vroom vroom

Today I went back to my place with my baby bro. He drove alllll the way to Shah Alam. Kereta manual kan. Alhamdulillah I got extra money to give to him as duit belanja since I asked for an advance of rm300 from le Boss before going back Kampong (or was it during my stay? Hehe) 

I feel the most relieved when I got extra money to give to my family members. My mom refused to take my money since I started for my postgrad programme. But I still 'selit-selit' lah a bit. Malu lah dah kerja pun masih nak meminta-minta from my mom. My mom still insists for me to let her know if I'm in dire... Alhamdulillah even though my salary is cukup-cukup, at least now I could rake some for savings. Thank God for my Boss' hospitality and whomever he is.

I guess it's not so bad after all working here kan? 

But it would always be better on my mind if I could return/give more to my company. If God's will. Will punyalahh! 

See you on Monday

When your Boss texted you about work and your mom came barging in and cried very badly on your bed. How would you feel. What would you do.

Silly.

your voice always help me 

when i feel alone

I feel so stupid

Got all worked up 

for a phone call

and when i pick up

I dont even have much to say

where’d you goooouu

i miss you soooouuu

fck this

I guess I finally understand what irks me most:

When people interfere with my plan.

In what way? You plan something with someone and you specifically told them you have other plans later. 

The night before you told them we should go early since you have stuff and they have stuff. you woke up early. And dumb me I thought everyone would let you know that we are going late and the reason of doing that.

Fck. I should not write this anymore. I'm just angry. That's it. Because somebody decides to just text me and continue her sleep instead of telling me the reason we're going later than early. 

I'll cool down. Fck this.

And I hope we'd be friends forever happily

I have the best of friends who would make a good shelter for stray, lost, abandoned, and surrendered souls. 

I got carried away

And I don't want you anymore.

P/s: I cried in a friend's arms. Without uttering even a word on you. I cried because I really wanted you. Now I don't think I do anymore.

Jealous

All closed up since our times are running up

Kereta

Baru baru ni aku pi buat alignment dengan balancing, lepas mechanic test drive kereta, dia mai kat aku cakap absorber mounting aku dah boleh tukar dah ni. Ayoyo. aku cakap la yeye je. Lepastu dia cakap, akak perasan tak gegar. Aku dah macam.. Oh ni ke puncanya... Tapi dalam hati je la. Sebab aku memang dari awal tahun haritu aku dah complain dekat Perodua masa service. Tapi masa tu orang Perodua bangkitkan isu engine mounting kat aku. Dan masa awal tahun tu, tak ada la teruk nau gegarnya macam sekarang. (hujung oktober 2019)

aku mintak quotation kat dua bengkel luar dan bengkel Perodua.

Bengkel A

Absorber 1 set RM520
Engine Mounting Ori RM600
Upah replace absorber RM120
Upah replace engine mounting RM200
= RM 1440

Bengkel B

Absorber RM180 untuk 2
Engine Mounting Ori RM 650
Upah RMx?
= RM830 + upah.

Bengkel Perodua

Absorber RM59.90 x2 = RM119.80
Engine mounting = RM700 (kena bayar deposit RM350)
Check kereta = RM30.00
= RM 849.80


So...... memandangkan dah hujung tahun ni..... aku mampu mengucap panjang je la....

Adik aku suruh bagitau ayah aku je. Tapi entahle. Malas campur malu. Tapi orang malu selalu rugi kan. Tengoklah macam mana. Ni minyak hitam pun nak kena tukar. Nak tukar confirm nak yang fully synthetic je since kereta ni selalu nak ke outstation. Kesian Bebo :(

Life. Mine.

Even if we are destined merely to cross path, I thank God for that.

I wish every week has at least one day like yesterday

Semalam suasana dalam courtroom macam dalam satu classroom where the teacher sat at the front, there's the Joker of the class, the one who performs in class, the one who's loud unnecessarily, the crush (❤️ / or crushss lol), the one who sat silently, and there's me. Hiks 

Content

I don't date much and that shows when 10 years later I just remembered every single person I've pushed away for the past years 

anecdote

I might just be one of your stories.

But to me, you were a lifetime.

If I'm a chapter to yours,

You'll be the book to mine.

cat

Cat ate its catfood just now. I intended to walk away after getting it food. I was so tired. My head was spinning. And I felt so lonely. So I waited for it to finish before walking away.

Today too I attended a case matter not knowing that the Defendant will also be attending for herself. I felt terrible since she looked like a lady who knows nothing. But everyone could put an act in front of the judge. Including me. I acted all tough before the TP and the lady but I shrivelled when I got a seat to myself. I felt so cruel but at least the job is done. I told all this to F and she just listened to me patiently. God bless her soul.

I visited my uncle and aunt while making our way home as it had been so long since I visited them. we got to eat my aunt's asam pedas. Best wehhhhh. Cukup asamnya. Not that spicy. All the spices were just nice. Thank you uncle and aunt!

And yeah. attended International Trade & Finance talk tonight. was told to form a group minimum 2 persons to do some written assignment and case presentation during next session. 

Made some time for him as well. He told me I could go home or teman him. So I willingly choose to teman him. Later then I guess he was so uncomfortable seeing me not eating. He said I might as well go home since I'm not eating. I told him my head was spinning. But alas, I took two spoonful to myself. Too tired to type anymore. Goodbye. Thanks for reading.

I shall

I shall cease myself bits by bits from wanting you

Facebook is no good.

No it's not.

Keeps reminding that we arent together 

if I told you

If I told you,

That you were everything

Everything I have ever wanted

Will you believe me

Since I never even knew what I was looking for?

Maybe I am just too young

When I thought I finally found him

Someone like you

That it could be that you are the only that was right in time, right in place for me

Will you believe me?

Or I am just making this up

So that you will be always be the one

The one that I have to get away from

Yet also the one that I will ever give all of myself away to

Then will you believe me?

I never knew that love is so hard to write 

But it is with you

Whatever I felt was froze along with each of the moments delicately

Because I wanted for it to be that way

So that if I ever take down the route of memory lane

You will be you, I will be I, and we will always be us.

Us? Really?

mother

I have the best mother in the world!

Dear Lord please grant my mother the best of dunia and akhirat aaaminnnnn

Lam Alif Pa Rho

I ate instant noodle this morning. (Please don't tell my mom)
And my office manager was nice enough to give me her rice all that she bought for breakfast. Yess! I have something for lunch today!

Hmmmm. Dalam acc bank tinggal rm3 ringgit kot. Alhamdulillah my last rm50 was used to fill in my petrol for the week. I hope I could at least somehow extend it until next week... But my parents are coming for an event.... How am I supposed to--you know what? All is well. All is well.

So hard lah to survive since I have been staying in SA... Need to consume more fuel and just have to spend for tolls... Kurang kurang pun satu hari rm2.80 pergi balik office to allocate for tolls.

Tapi bilik situ best.. landlord ok.. housemates pun.. how lah how. Nak pindah pun nanti kena sewa Lori since I have bed and cupboard.. and money for rental deposit.. may God ease my way this month and next ya Allah

P.s. saja buat dramatic, boleh je posa. Hekhek

One for you, since I am no good with words

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide, I
Don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
Oh I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song
And this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Tempest by Escala

If I would have my life back then.
Back when my dad still only has us,
But I guess not.
I guess my dad was feeling lonely when we leave him one by one.
And I only kept in touch with him just for money. What a selfish daughter.
I never knew how to read my own father.

I guess it should have been
If I have been taking good care of my parents.
I didnt even thought that my father would, of all people, feeling lonely.

That should have explained him playing other people's father rather than mine

I can only keep guessing
Since I am such a coward

Tapi kalau nak sebab what ifs and only ifs
Babi pun boleh terbang lol
And it's only fair since he told me this thing is just not within my control
But I hate this feeling
This feeling of barely standing there and couldnt even help with anything..


And my mother
She changed a lot
She really has

She has been a lot more open minded
A lot more laid back than she was back then
I now have the most wonderful mom. not that she was not already one back then heheh
but I too now have the saddest mom of all
You will never know how insecure a human could be
You will never know how dependent, or even.. needy, as a human could ever be
And i guess you will never know how strong would you even have to be to hold onto something that is not even there anymore

And that particular human relates to you
What can you even do about it?

As of now, i acknowledge that I am


I guess I have so much feelings  i have kept inside now that it is spilling bit by bit
Somebody told me he would listen
Rather than me talking to strangers
But he already burdened with glorious purposes of his own life ( I just want to use this sentence on him hehe), and he also means a lot to me (like a lot LOT. I have never been feeling this way) how can I ever do that?

and my friends.
U, A, R, Q, N, F
thank you for always being there for me.
To listen my rambling on and on and on

Well..

I don't know. How do you even leave someone who is your life? Build another one without them?

Tigger and Friends who?

I cried so, so hard today.

I dont think I need to be reminded but this book seems so, so perfect and very capable of doing that.
Of doing what, you might ask.

See for yourself.

https://twitter.com/Starcourser/status/1164656492357791744?s=09

Book Title: Tigger & Friends

Author: Dennis Hamley

Illustrator: Meg Rutherford

Colours

Just by seeing the colours on your cheeks makes my heart drops

Merimaskan.

I am too sensitive when I am hungry. Haish

And one of His Greatness' wonderful creation was you

There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
Two a.m., who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say, hey
It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was, enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again
These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Tired

I am really tired of you.

Of falling in love with you
Really. I am.

My heart is really, really, really tired of it
That sometimes I wish to disappear

God knows best.

10 minutes.

Sometimes I got greedy and I just had to spend 10mins with you.

I like me better when I'm with you.

Yeah you.

My sunshine.

I'm happy now that you're happier.

Aete Yokatta!

I found a home in you
Wrong; but it sheltered me.
Wrong; but it saved me.

And I guess God is Great.
As you are not alone and empty anymore.

Lempang satgi

I got this one friend i always feel like want to Lempang one because of how annoying she is. But she will always be the first one to offer me help whenever she can.

I really hope we could be friends for the longest time. Ya Allah please protect this friendship.

Am I sane enough?

Sometimes.  but most of the times,  you just can't stand yourself.

Kelak

Kelak
Tika hari begitu dingin
Wajah itu akan sedikit menghangatkan.

Kelak
Tika hari begitu berat
Wajah itu akan sedikit meringankan.

Kelak
Tika rindu begitu sakit
Wajah itu akan sedikit  mengubatkan.

Janji Nad

You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I won't take comfort by being ungrateful to you from now on.

I am enough.

Do you know how fckg hard it is to keep everything to yourself? When you just had to let rationality takes over you in the name of sanity? And balance? Fckg hard.

In the name of sanity. And morality.

A little prayer

What did I do to deserve this kind of present,  ya Allah? Alhamdulillah thank you for my mother,  my siblings, my father,  and my other family members.

Udah dititipin uang buat train, lagi dititipin uang untuk gue lunch lagi, buat grab lagi,
Ya Allah murahkan rezeki ibuku dan panjangkan lah hayatnya dalam kesehatan jua kebajikan.

Little bro

My not so little brother had a grave accident last two years. Caused him his right eye. Now left with 30% sight. Apparently the other motorcycle was stupid enough not to look before putting on speed and went crashing on my Bro. Stupid not licensed rider.

And today this morning. His eye went red. So freaking red. In the same day he had to attend an appointment with the lawyer with regards for his personal injury claim. The previous doctor said nothing wrong with his eye. Not infection. Just maybe that since he could never close his properly now,  might be some bug doing it. So now the neurologist at the Island Hospital is checking him up.

Semoga semuanya baik baik je

UPDATE 26/1: Bless all these soul. My Boss gave me 2 days leave, (even gave me emergency fund) Doctors done the best, My mother who is always there, my cousin,  my uncle and aunt, my wicked siblings, thank you. From the deepest of my heart.

Guess

I guess I'm too in love to let it go

Beats me.

To be loved. To be protected. I guess it's just too much to ask from you. Or I've been anticipating from a wrong person. So..  Where's the right one is?

2019 nad!

you know.. i was cleaning up the trash before starting with my work. Nobody was in the office yet. It was then when I saw an empty packet of instant noodle inside the trashcan. I felt bad. Just a few days ago my officemate offered samyang to me.

It's just the second week of January and we are stuck financially... But I guess she got it worse than me. At least I got to have my breakfast whenever B asked me to buy his. :(

Luckily! I already got my breakfasttttt. SOOO I just bought one (usually B said who's buying she's entitled to get one for her own) and gave it to her. I was quite worried she wouldnt like the set I chose so I just prayed hard and boy, how God listens! It was accidentally her favourite set of double sausage mcmuffin with egg!

No. I would never blame my B. Every job has its perks and cons. Some places pays high but the Boss is hideousss. While some places goes with good pay, good collegue, far from home, good Boss. Some places nice Boss but pays a lot less buttt comes with lots of benefits! Lets you build your better self...

I'm gaining experience here. How nice it is to be in the place which lets you bloom beautifully. I am happy to be here. HELL YES I do worry of the future. But the power is in me. The now. The present. At least I get the power to decide however I want my present to be, to leave or to stay. Fight or flight. To be, or not to be. No it's not called being ignorant. More of a way to care about your present, in order to decide for your future. You cannot change your past. Butttt at least the present lets you have the say. Kan ?

Lagi satu. Nowadays, if I miss someone, I will straightly tell them how I feel. I'm tired of regrets. Now, I would take every opportunity that I have, try to live in the heat of the moment, because people change. The person you think you might know very well right now won't even respond to you the same way anymore in 5 years when you meet them again. By treating them the best, these good people deserve the least of this. I will give them my very best.

Ha. Kalau salah, that's not my mistake lah. Because ? If you know it, it's called understanding. If not, then you just misunderstood me lah. hehehe.

Y u so scareddddd

Sometimes,  I caught myself doing bad things on purpose just because I was scared that they would stuck on the idea of me being all nice so that I won't be responsible for their expectation.

Praise to God

Alhamdulillah. I thank you God. For letting me be myself. For finally letting me have friends who always thinks the best of me. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Thank you God