six days of IF

aku ni asalnya nak makan wrap je.

 ta-da!

dah panaskan wrap teringin nak ada dip pulak.

so aku keluarkan tomato, cili, bawang merah, bawang putih, halia, semua ni aku potong. letak tepi. (chopped stuff)

aku keluarkan ayam. since i bought them by parts (easier for storage), i only took out one container. chicken chop as labelled (by AEON).

google punya google, adalah jumpa satu resepi ni. tapi aku takde fajita dressing.
So i'll just make do with whatever i have right now.

i cleaned up the chicken
put some water in the pot
throw in the chicken
along with some garlic, basil (main lontar je kau ye), and sesame oil
i'll boil them for 30-40 mins

my plan is that when the chicken is cooked,
i'll shred it, put it into the bowl,
along with all the chopped stuff.
LET'S SEE HOW IT GOESSSS

UPDATE:

i didnt know why but i just started pounding ikan bilis (that i have cleaned and soaked in water) altogether with cili padi and i even put in the lime juice.... macam sedap...

soak in dem waderrrr forestry, girrrrllll

but then the chicken is now cooked
so i started shredding the chicken and put it aside

but then i (autopilot-ly) started to campak campak bawang merah putih in the wok with a little bit of cooking oil......

UPDATE:

Why tf did i shmosshed the anchovies and just cooked it half......... it doesnt even taste that good.. it was a big mistake since it tasted like uncooked mix or something... Lapar......

huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... i want yong tau foo and my street burger..................

So I ate cereal 😭 Kellogg's Oats and Honey with milk and thissss 

.....while watching the fresh prince of bel-air. 

Oooh Hilary's outfit is sooo pretty!

I ate too much and too quick of this biscuits. How did I know? I went sakit kepala already at my 20th piece..... It only went away when I drink a looootttt of water. Like aaaa lotttt. 

UPDATE:

It rain yow! Soooo I got creative when I added flour in the wrap dipping sauce (ew sauce lah sangat). Pa lagiii, boleh buat cucoq bak anggg. [patut la rasa familiar bila rasa sauce for wrap (again. Layak dipanggil sauce keeee) tu tadi kahkahkah.]

i swear it looked yellower in this picture idk why lol

the lighting was bad but the taste? HAAAAAAAAAAAAA. EDIBLEEEE YAYYY

(by this moment i knew im a genius omg)

And I did teh masala too! But it tastes quite bland since I only used one tea sachet. Duhhhh Di.. obviously.......

I made em in this. Cool cerek/teko, ey mate?

 

Anyway I just bought groceries yesterday at a veeeery early morning. Reached AEON by 9am kottt. Awal kannnn. In order to minimise contacts with other humans lah konon. Siap wave lagi (used my debit card)

mahalnye........ Kos sara hidup...... Baru ingat nak beli baju raya awal......

apa itu sambal telur hancur

I tried cooking sambal telur hancur today. Basically it's the same as sambal telur yang kita pakai telur rebus tu, but this one youre going to break the egg while cooking the sambal.

Bawang merah

Bawang putih

Tunggu naik bau.

Kemudian masuk,

Coli boh tiga sudu (pedas sikiiiit je. I can't handle pedas much these days)

Masak sampai pecah minyak 

Masuk air sikit

Tunggu sampai sambal garing sikit (baru best heheh)

Masuk sos cili

garam

madu (saja mengada tak pakai gula, but the sweet is barely there la I warn you)

Asam keping/limau nipis (I used air asam jawa. Made the sambal tasted not that sour which is a mistake to use it, also makes the sambal looks darker. No fun)

Masuk air sikit

Tunggu sampai sambal garing

Rasa dulu.

Bila rasa tu dah cukup masam masin masam (tak cukup masam, jadi saya tambahkan tomato. adds up that sour taste, veeeery lightly je la) macam yang awak nak dan awak rasa hmm okay la ni, baru awak pecahkan telur (I used two eggs)

Wait until the eggs get cooked a bit baru kacau

At this stage you can stir the eggs a bit if you like the eggs a bit uncooked and dishevelled (lol)

I know it doesn't look very appetising. Let alone pleasant for the eyes. But hear me out. Sedap jugak la. My mistake was that I used air asam jawa, as it darkens the sambal colour miserably lol. But the taste is there I promise you heheh.

Update: it tastes weird when it gets cold

I steamed some buns. Instruction asked to steam for 3-5mins. Had to steam it for 15mins since I got no steamer pot. Tu pun masih keras sikit.

Update: after constructing the new rack for almost an hour (you thought it was only 5mins easy huh bonehead) I'm still hungry.

Update: I made some vegetable soup. I now declare this day as cheat day! Ugh I would love for some salmon sashimi sushi bento nandos fried chicken garden salad egg burger oh my god I am so grateful I get to sit at home without worrying what to eat tomorrow. Thank you God. May God ease everything for the nice people out there too.

Update: I am not proud of myself.

GO AWAY, COVID!

Maybe writing this would help.

SInce it seems petty. and i dont have anyone to share with, here it goes..

I just read the news that one policeman in Kedah has finally breathed his last due to Covid19. And I cried and cried. My dad is one of the frontliners. I have told myself again and again. Whatever happens, he is still my dad. I hate his conducts, but this does not mean that i would ever wish saomthing bad to happen to my dad, Whatever he is now, at least he was once the best father I could ever ask of.

Tuhanku, panjangkanlah umur kedua-kedua orang tuaku supaya sempat aku berbakti kepada mereka.
I am really really really worried since the government  is taking this very lightly by not equiping them with the best protection there is to these civil servants who is serving their nation. They are not well equipped like China, Korea, and other countries.

I am shivering. just thinking if anything bad were to happen to any of my family members.

GO AWAY, PLAGUE
PLEASE GO, AND DONT RETURN BEFORE I COULD SERVE MY PARENTS
PLEASE EASE ALL OF OUR WORRIES AND HARDSHIPS DEAR GOD FOR WE NEED TO SURVIVE OUR BUSINESS..............

Hari ketiga IF

Yeah I have until 2pm to have my meal for the day.

Just did some workout I found on the net. Thought I could use some workout session while working out a few teases for him. 

What to cook for today eh...... I did carbonara yesterday.... So today..... Some vegetable soup could be nice.. 

resep terung belado

Now that my lunch is cooked, let's have breakfast!

And I even purposely tried my best to tear it just a little ishh 

Now not pretty dahhh haihs

Oh yeah. I'm starting my IF today using this one app called whatever its name is, so I've picked so that I'm skipping my dinner. Sooo I've stir-fried some aubergine for my afternoon meal (without rice, ofc. Oh I'm dreading this while I'm typing)

No blender so I tumbuk all the way. Put oil a bit usually if use blender but I might have put it after tumbuk.. hahah.. (awkward laugh)

Cutting up these purple things and soaked it in water + salt a little 

I grilled this inappropriately shaped terasi a bit. Or belacan is what we called it in malaysia. Saja nak flex tahu Bahasa Indonesia sikit lol.

half fried these purple. A bit cooked. Not that much cooked since we're stir-frying it later. We don't want it to be soaked with very much oil when we stir-fry it later okay. Tak sedap. Squishy. And squishy concept is never good nor tasty for your vegetables.

heat up a spoonful of cooking oil. Don't use olive oil. They're not for stir-frying. You'll ended up poisoning yourself. We don't want that since we have a lot more food to eat, a lot more paths to take, okay? Get the grilled terasi in. Smash it with whatever utensil you're using. Put in your smashed stuff. Those onion, garlic, and chillies. Next time I'll put in halia a bit lah. I don't have any today. Stir them well. 

Put a bit of water just to get it going. We're just trying not to get it burnt by now. Stir and stir. You can add more oil if you want. Put some salt and sugar if you want by now.

Then put in those purple beauties in. Stir and stir for a few more minutes. And............ VOILAAA!

I curi makan a bit and eeeekkk bolehlaaa. Maybe I use too little terasi lah.. tapi ok lah not bad ye. Well done, Di! Now you can watch your Netflix Kim Tae Hee Hi Bye Mama yayyyyy 

stir-fry !

So......... In short I now have a boyfriend.

But I wanna talk about stir fryyy! I liiike doing stir-fry ! And today I was thinking to make terung goreng berlado and I ended up making kangkung goreng belacan ha ha ha Di yu sho funny.......

Today I'm in the mood of posting so yeah that's it!

 

Last stir

My background music while I was doing stir-fry is Di Pintu Syurga by Lah . His voice is angeeeliiccc!

Aaaand voila!

i didnt use any blender. Old school jeee. I like it rough *insert smiley with some cool shades here* (arf arf!) 

Aaand im watching this don't f*** with cats: Hunting an internet killer. N asked me to watch it. Not bad eh. From kittens to people, huh. How much a sick of a sicko would go for kittens??

piggy bank, piggy bank i need to go to NZ! Or the beautiful Walessss. Or maybe Sloveniaaa

at this juncture, i'm not really lawyering, aren't i?

i spent most of my time running errands. and what more job of a legal i could even do?

None. i think it's fair that by June this year, I should be tendering my resignation and go back to penang. or perlis. 

I cant even do legal job correctly. lol. what a good for nothing..

I'm hitting 30 and I have achieved nothing other than keeping myself away from sleeping under the bridge....

p.s. it's day seven and hafiz is still mad at me for ditching him :( I'm sorry hafiz for letting you get tangled up in this coflicting interest of mine.....  

maybe

Maybe I should clean up my room during this restricted movement order.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Nope. Let's do laundry instead.

Ben Ben ben di

 

Harini cantik sikit laa daripada biasa. I went through the fridge and found some things of mine. Kebetulan masa shopping groceries untuk Boss, ternampak lak bendi. Let's dig innnn 

like, every single thing about em

Yasssss

the day of us crying and sharing

Yeah all us just lepak for two hours at 1u to talk about him. Cried and shared stuff about him. All five of us.

But the highlight was...

 THIS!! my sister belanja-ed me theseeeee!!!

May God grant endless prosper and happiness and the best of things for her aaaamiiiinnnnnn 

wonderful

What a wonderful week! I could pay for the cat food, my car maintenance, my family's Airbnb, and I could use my money first without having to get anybody to sign my claim forms. How wonderful

And I wish I could see more of your smiles. Hekhek.

woof woof!

Domino's to break the fast.

Yayyyyy

Woof woof!

Last day to gantiiii

yup

Di, you are worthy of nothing.

how do you get to know a person ?

Pay attention at what they always talk about the most.

The kind of things that have been bugging their brain the most.
Songs they mention but is dismissed by you.
Habits they do but constantly is brushed off by you.
Things they say out loud and couldn't keep his eyes off of it.

In short, pay attention to them.

And while the time is ticking,
whoever pays attention to you wins the game of heart of somebody who feels belong to you.
Since you would never even give a damn, or a second glance, about something you decide you wont care about

And I think it attracts you the most to people who you like because sometimes they see themselves in you. Or they see somebody who they wish they are, or want to be, or need to be, in them who they close with. the one who offers you comfort the most. a blanket. maybe not in the form of blanket. but surety. or even acceptance. or redemption.

What do you really crave the most?

Most of the time we dont even know what we want. or what we even need. until we find them standing in front of you. Later it brings you joy. It brings you laughter. It makes you sad. It affects you emotionally.  And then times goes by. You have grown accustomed to its presence. While so many things running through you as time passes, sometimes you look at your side and there it is. It's still there for you. Time goes by. you forgot to look at your side. there. it's still there. no worries.

A thing would deteriorate by time. Everything will. Like a seed in the ground. There's rain, but it's not much. It must get water everyday. You're busy. How? You just have to. Or it will all dried up. With seed, you can always find another seed. No worries. it wont affect you that much. Unless you're a snail with no food or tree to feed on. But you're a person. And that seed is not merely seed. The seed symbolizes a link of you toward another person. Sometimes you get lucky and that person lets you put a new seed. and see how you two go from there. but most of the time, you don't. People get hurt. People have feelings. People can move away or move over from you. In the process, while you were forgetting to water the seed, there could be bugs. or that seed could be up to no good. a crooked seed. And then what?

Nobody is going to tell you to water them but you yourself. With luck, Some people do let you know, or even remind you that they're there. Existing. Letting you know that they are happy with you. they are angry with you. they are sad without you. But some people just don't. Some people just think that they are not worthy of your time (which is passing by). or they could be thinking that you are not worthy of their time, (which is also passing by).

I believe while figuring all these out, it tends to make people apart. while you are juggling your life, other people could instead be struggling with theirs. The degree of how you view things are often influenced by your social background. family. education. surrounding. your upbringing.

Which sometimes you could see that you two differ too much with each other that you adore it. and sometimes you two differ too much that it makes you loathe them. Now hate is a strong word. I dont use it unless i really am feeling it so much. But then ugh idk

Stupid mistake.

One of my mistakes in life is thinking i could be friends with you.

You hurt me a lot before. like really a lot.
After you, I prayed to god. Prayed as hard as I could so that the next time I fall in love I shall not need validation anymore. Just to love and no need to be loved back.
That was my only condition.

The feeling of loving someone is such a happy thing. But when it becomes your past, it could numb you or hurt you more. I guess I was fudge-ing wrong when I thought we could still be friends without me getting hurt. again.


Stupid R. Sttttuuuuupiiiiiiddddddddddddddddd

P.s. I blocked him on iMessage. I never thought he would message me on WhatsApp but he did it anyway. Explained things to me. I didn't know what to say but I just thought it would be cruel not to reply. I just thanked him for explaining and that's that.

Notting Hill

After stopping myself from watching Altered Carbon s02ep05 (since Saturday would be quite spent) I juuust had to watch Notting Hill. Been a tad too long on my list to watch since the first time I fell for Costello's She.


It wasssssss..... so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................

I finally watched it on Netflix. I ended up taking screenshotsss soo many times of the movieeeee. The main actor was soooo charmingggggg aahsfjhfsfdksfkjsfs ok dah bye

Cuba teka

Cuba teka siapa baru beli cermin mata baruuuuu 😋

Tempting betul lenses yang provide extra comfort for night vision tu. Tapi nak kena top up hampir rm200. Just for the lenses! Gilo!

But then I terdetik nak beli pun sebab nampak rm89 je frame dan lens.... Hukhuk. So I paid for rm139 (plus rm50 lens upgrade sebab aku ada silau) je la....

girllllllsss night outtt

 

Belanja-ed my closest girlfriend for good luck at his new workplace!!

The steak was so-so... But the vegetables made up for it. Mahai saja... NY Steak Shack got the better of jt. Sorry la cheq tak sesuai mahai mahai. And they don't have it there at 1 Utama lak. 

But the company was nice so that's that.

Kelakar

Kelakar pulak bila tengok senarai drafts blogpost aku berkenaan kahwin. Soooooo 2017.

Be better, do better, Di.

Cant believe I am so easy to be stressed out. Ashamed of myself that that thing is so easy and I messed it up. What kind of a lawyer I am. Familiarity breed contempt. I must do something. I am so familiar with my colleague and boss that I am taking them and my job a little tad too lightly.

Sweet dreams

You should've been one of those nights where I wake up in the morning making me feel happy and content. You should've been that. 

But you didn't.

🌸🌸

I thank you God for letting me have the best siblings in the whole entire universe

I think I've talked about this

Ikhlas dan pandai jaga hati kita.

I wish I could be one and could find one.

Kalau hati itu ikhlas,

God will light your path to them.

For if they can't see it,

Well perhaps their path are meant not to cross yours for long.

Katanya percaya lagi penting dari cinta.

Apa benar?

Yes. Because will you give your heart away if you don't trust them?

My answer is yes. 

Kamu percaya sama dia. What made you?

The self. Theirs or yours?

Maybe both.

You can choose who to trust, but you can never choose when to fall in love or who to fall for.

But you can always choose to pick yourself up.

You cannot control other people.

But please. Be in possession of your own heart.

Try you must. The only thing you can control is your heart. 

Love yourself. Surround yourself with people who makes you content. People who stops you from stopping your own veins. People who really take their precious time to tell you that they love you. Maybe not in the way you want, but learn. 

Learn that the language of love is different to one another. Some people convey their love through words, some through actions, but it doesn't mean they love you any lesser when you don't get the way you wanted them to love you. Start feeling it with your heart. 

Some people are not good with words. And when they say it out loud, it doesn't seem convincing. But always, trust your heart. Feel them with your heart. In order to see with your heart, you must at least have some faith in yourself first. Stop having doubts in yourself. Have faith in people you love.

And from there, everything should fall into place. 

At least that's what keeping me alive today.

If it doesn't, start again. Smell the roses, look up the skies, find peace in babies smiles, do whatever it takes to make you feel alive again.

But please, pick yourself up when you realise that your fall is going to cost you a lifetime. Quickly. Or you will sink. Slowly, but surely.

You want to risk everything? 

Or you find it worthwhile? 

Or you simply don't? 

Still. Your call.

Images source: twitter 

I'll be your shoulder if you be mine

Awwwwww I want thisssssss

Even after 45 years of marriage, Dr Khairuddin and Khairiah say 'I love you' all the time.

“I still love her. I still think she is beautiful and cute. Sometimes I get angry with her but that’s part of the relationship.

“The important thing to remember is when you love someone, you have to learn to overlook things. If things don’t meet your expectations, you must accept and adapt. And you must embrace imperfection in all its guises. But to me, she is perfect. I love you,” he says as he reaches for her hand.

He, Khairiah points out, is the romantic in their relationship. His job saw him travelling quite a lot and he’d always insist that she accompanied him on the trips.

“I’d miss my wife too much otherwise. I am not very good on my own,” he says.

She adds: “There was once when I could not go with him and it so happened, that trip fell on my birthday. The doorbell rang that night and I found two men with guitars serenading me. They sang Are You Lonesome Tonight?... he had arranged that,” she relates. “Although I must complain that he hasn’t taken me for a movie or play in quite some time.”

The most important thing in a marriage, they both agree, is love.

“These days, when I wake up in the morning, I look over at him and watch him sleep. And I think about our life together and all that we have been through and when he wakes up, I tell him I love him. When you are younger, you take each other for granted. You don’t appreciate (each other). When you are our age you have this realisation. Love is like that, I suppose,” she says. 

Read more:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2020/02/14/they-got-a-second-chance-at-love-and-now-they039ve-been-married-45-years#.XkY_CacJmq0.twitter

reasonable

I have made myself so convenient for you by now. With the idea of not staying for long. And I regret that now.

He's no you. Nor him. Nor even him.

The Misadventures of trying to find the same feelings I felt when I was with you. 

Mama

Yeah we used to call her that once.
Until one day little nad heard from her Ustazah that it was more afdhal if we were to call our mom as Ibu. KAHKAHKAH

and there was no turning back.


Now it's Ibu.
My mom was a very, very difficult to approach. I always find myself far from her back when I was little. My dad was hardly home since he always had to attend 'operasi' given it's a part of his job. Soooo I was very close with Kak Siti our domestic helper. She went back Indonesia to get married after almost ten years giving her service to our family. 

My mom. Now she changed quite a lot since then. She's slimmer, she enjoys her life more, she became more understanding, she became more attentive, more loving.... I really enjoy being her kid now lah pendek kata. 

Moms do have this superpower. She just knows it when I'm having issues with my personal life. I always keep it to myself since she too has her own problem to attend to. But it won't hurt sharing a few things so that she would know everything is alright with me. 

Just sometimes I wish hard that I am a better daughter to her. Sometimes I just had to make space in order to keep my own sanity intact. When she cries, I cry. Silently. All tough on the phone. Left with none the moment I hang up. 

Like this one day I cried because I miss somebody badly. Or something happened but I chose not to tell anyone since it was petty. Or because somebody is happier without me. Well you couldn't just call them/him to tell him that kan. I just couldn't. So I always ended up crying it out and loud. Theeeen out of nowhere she would call me up. Uh oh. Had to pick up the calls lah kan. Justtt had to do make up some white lies. They are always coincidental. The calls. So I don't want to paint any picture to her that im not happy here. It won't justify everything. So I would always pick up her calls and smiles through my tears.

After all, this is my choice. 

This is my own design. 

Bear with it.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I would DIEEEE for any jewelleries at this age.

But books are cuter. And cheaper. and easier to get access to. I'm cheap liddat (insert emoji)

Still have sooo many books but one book equates to one flower. in an imaginary garden of mine. with you in it. 

Look what somebody gave meeeee.

Looks cute. (Maybe)

HAHAHAHA

kewlllllllll

(secretly my favourite) I WANT TO START USING ITTTTT TAPI SAYANGGGGGGGGGGGG GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

wove you. ❤️

I did it!!

Today I finally get to help out other people yayyyy~

My blood was not thick enough, underweight, didn't have sufficient vitamin, all these were among the reasons I got rejected to donate my blood. I didn't mind since they could be blessing in disguise, but today I finally did it!! And I got to know my blood type. It's AB! Who's with meeeeee? Put your hands upppp

I get to donate 350ml (umm maybe? I dunno the unit) for Hospital Seremban. Was quite nervous but I just closed my eyes and prayed so that everything would be fine and I get to help out people with my blood this time. 

God bless everything was such a breeze. The nurses were nice enough (maybe because it was my first time donating? Hehe jk all nurses I met so far are nice peopleeee) 

And I mistakenly informed the doctor when she asked me (among other questions)

D: do you have a partner right now?

Me: Yes.

And she asked how many were there before this one?

Me: Just this one. (innocent kan HAHAHAHA)

When they finished withdrawing my blood I suddenly realised that they might not be common questions. I think she meant it sexually.(?) I told my bro about it and he went "HAAAAA?" and proceed to laugh because the doctor was definitely referring to any physical (sexual) relationship I'm having right now and I wasn't bright enough to realise it earlier..... Apa benda.....

Ugh. But never mind. All should be fine since I don't sleep around okaaayyyy

The nurse patiently explained to me that since I'm a first-timer, they would only get 350ml from me. The person who's lying next to me was maybe a regular since the nurses were quite cheering for the amount of the blood that she produce (ye ke. Aku pun tak sure lol)

It didn't take too much of time of mine. All was done under 20mins, and that should include the time I'm needed to rest after the blood withdrawal. Habis je nurse suruh pergi minum teh o panas yang disediakan. I asked her if it's ok to buy The Alley since it was just right next to the blood place. She said no problem but it should be quicker for me to drink first before buying next door. Went to the water dispenser and got myself a nice teh o panas. Niceeeeee. So warmmmm. Drunk it and later little bro came running (k tipu) with a cup of The Alley crème brulée ehek ehek.

Aaaand here's some photos that I considered to be fun to look into!

And look which blood type I belong to???

i don't know why tapi rasa macam cool sebab I could give my blood to A people, B peeple, and AB peeple. Cool kannnnn. Hekhek. I think so lah. I always thought O peeple is noble enough since they could donate to other but they could only receive theirs only. Tapi Tu lah. Now I'm thinking AB people is cooler since I belong to one? Heheheh. 

what if I

Leave everything here and start afresh somewhere?

People will forget and move on.

And things should be better, don't you think?

But what if it doesn't?

What if tomorrow won't be better than today?

And I won't be young forever. That's for sure.

And it's better to be tired than to be broke.

And I don't want my mom to realise that she raised a quitter

I am bearing with the fact that I'd rather struggle tring to learn rather than struggling from being a stupid.

What if I really end it here right now?

No no. Life has given me wonderful things. My mom, my grandmother, my sisters, my bro, you.

You made me realise that I'm worth something

Maybe with the right person I would be.

But not with the wrong person. You won't ever feel enough.

Until this moment I'm embracing all our moments together. I might not be the one for you, but you were the one for me. At least for those moments which has passed.

I wish I could relive our moments. I wish I could go back to our moments. Not to change them, but to relive it again and again. 

But that would just be nonsense, doesn't it?

Living in past.

And what matter is now.

Oh how I need to share all my worries.

Oh how I wish we could've shared our worries together.

But we couldn't.

And I don't think we should.

We should just probably live to each of our own lives.

If only you knew how much you mean to me

If only I could tell you how much you mean to me

But I shouldn't.

If only...

I wish I could grow old with you.

Why do I keep wishing impossible things

I really wish I could stop crying right now