apa itu sambal telur hancur

I tried cooking sambal telur hancur today. Basically it's the same as sambal telur yang kita pakai telur rebus tu, but this one youre going to break the egg while cooking the sambal.

Bawang merah

Bawang putih

Tunggu naik bau.

Kemudian masuk,

Coli boh tiga sudu (pedas sikiiiit je. I can't handle pedas much these days)

Masak sampai pecah minyak 

Masuk air sikit

Tunggu sampai sambal garing sikit (baru best heheh)

Masuk sos cili

garam

madu (saja mengada tak pakai gula, but the sweet is barely there la I warn you)

Asam keping/limau nipis (I used air asam jawa. Made the sambal tasted not that sour which is a mistake to use it, also makes the sambal looks darker. No fun)

Masuk air sikit

Tunggu sampai sambal garing

Rasa dulu.

Bila rasa tu dah cukup masam masin masam (tak cukup masam, jadi saya tambahkan tomato. adds up that sour taste, veeeery lightly je la) macam yang awak nak dan awak rasa hmm okay la ni, baru awak pecahkan telur (I used two eggs)

Wait until the eggs get cooked a bit baru kacau

At this stage you can stir the eggs a bit if you like the eggs a bit uncooked and dishevelled (lol)

I know it doesn't look very appetising. Let alone pleasant for the eyes. But hear me out. Sedap jugak la. My mistake was that I used air asam jawa, as it darkens the sambal colour miserably lol. But the taste is there I promise you heheh.

Update: it tastes weird when it gets cold

I steamed some buns. Instruction asked to steam for 3-5mins. Had to steam it for 15mins since I got no steamer pot. Tu pun masih keras sikit.

Update: after constructing the new rack for almost an hour (you thought it was only 5mins easy huh bonehead) I'm still hungry.

Update: I made some vegetable soup. I now declare this day as cheat day! Ugh I would love for some salmon sashimi sushi bento nandos fried chicken garden salad egg burger oh my god I am so grateful I get to sit at home without worrying what to eat tomorrow. Thank you God. May God ease everything for the nice people out there too.

Update: I am not proud of myself.

GO AWAY, COVID!

Maybe writing this would help.

SInce it seems petty. and i dont have anyone to share with, here it goes..

I just read the news that one policeman in Kedah has finally breathed his last due to Covid19. And I cried and cried. My dad is one of the frontliners. I have told myself again and again. Whatever happens, he is still my dad. I hate his conducts, but this does not mean that i would ever wish saomthing bad to happen to my dad, Whatever he is now, at least he was once the best father I could ever ask of.

Tuhanku, panjangkanlah umur kedua-kedua orang tuaku supaya sempat aku berbakti kepada mereka.
I am really really really worried since the government  is taking this very lightly by not equiping them with the best protection there is to these civil servants who is serving their nation. They are not well equipped like China, Korea, and other countries.

I am shivering. just thinking if anything bad were to happen to any of my family members.

GO AWAY, PLAGUE
PLEASE GO, AND DONT RETURN BEFORE I COULD SERVE MY PARENTS
PLEASE EASE ALL OF OUR WORRIES AND HARDSHIPS DEAR GOD FOR WE NEED TO SURVIVE OUR BUSINESS..............

Hari ketiga IF

Yeah I have until 2pm to have my meal for the day.

Just did some workout I found on the net. Thought I could use some workout session while working out a few teases for him. 

What to cook for today eh...... I did carbonara yesterday.... So today..... Some vegetable soup could be nice.. 

resep terung belado

Now that my lunch is cooked, let's have breakfast!

And I even purposely tried my best to tear it just a little ishh 

Now not pretty dahhh haihs

Oh yeah. I'm starting my IF today using this one app called whatever its name is, so I've picked so that I'm skipping my dinner. Sooo I've stir-fried some aubergine for my afternoon meal (without rice, ofc. Oh I'm dreading this while I'm typing)

No blender so I tumbuk all the way. Put oil a bit usually if use blender but I might have put it after tumbuk.. hahah.. (awkward laugh)

Cutting up these purple things and soaked it in water + salt a little 

I grilled this inappropriately shaped terasi a bit. Or belacan is what we called it in malaysia. Saja nak flex tahu Bahasa Indonesia sikit lol.

half fried these purple. A bit cooked. Not that much cooked since we're stir-frying it later. We don't want it to be soaked with very much oil when we stir-fry it later okay. Tak sedap. Squishy. And squishy concept is never good nor tasty for your vegetables.

heat up a spoonful of cooking oil. Don't use olive oil. They're not for stir-frying. You'll ended up poisoning yourself. We don't want that since we have a lot more food to eat, a lot more paths to take, okay? Get the grilled terasi in. Smash it with whatever utensil you're using. Put in your smashed stuff. Those onion, garlic, and chillies. Next time I'll put in halia a bit lah. I don't have any today. Stir them well. 

Put a bit of water just to get it going. We're just trying not to get it burnt by now. Stir and stir. You can add more oil if you want. Put some salt and sugar if you want by now.

Then put in those purple beauties in. Stir and stir for a few more minutes. And............ VOILAAA!

I curi makan a bit and eeeekkk bolehlaaa. Maybe I use too little terasi lah.. tapi ok lah not bad ye. Well done, Di! Now you can watch your Netflix Kim Tae Hee Hi Bye Mama yayyyyy 

stir-fry !

So......... In short I now have a boyfriend.

But I wanna talk about stir fryyy! I liiike doing stir-fry ! And today I was thinking to make terung goreng berlado and I ended up making kangkung goreng belacan ha ha ha Di yu sho funny.......

Today I'm in the mood of posting so yeah that's it!

 

Last stir

My background music while I was doing stir-fry is Di Pintu Syurga by Lah . His voice is angeeeliiccc!

Aaaand voila!

i didnt use any blender. Old school jeee. I like it rough *insert smiley with some cool shades here* (arf arf!) 

Aaand im watching this don't f*** with cats: Hunting an internet killer. N asked me to watch it. Not bad eh. From kittens to people, huh. How much a sick of a sicko would go for kittens??

piggy bank, piggy bank i need to go to NZ! Or the beautiful Walessss. Or maybe Sloveniaaa

at this juncture, i'm not really lawyering, aren't i?

i spent most of my time running errands. and what more job of a legal i could even do?

None. i think it's fair that by June this year, I should be tendering my resignation and go back to penang. or perlis. 

I cant even do legal job correctly. lol. what a good for nothing..

I'm hitting 30 and I have achieved nothing other than keeping myself away from sleeping under the bridge....

p.s. it's day seven and hafiz is still mad at me for ditching him :( I'm sorry hafiz for letting you get tangled up in this coflicting interest of mine.....  

maybe

Maybe I should clean up my room during this restricted movement order.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Nope. Let's do laundry instead.

Ben Ben ben di

 

Harini cantik sikit laa daripada biasa. I went through the fridge and found some things of mine. Kebetulan masa shopping groceries untuk Boss, ternampak lak bendi. Let's dig innnn 

like, every single thing about em

Yasssss

the day of us crying and sharing

Yeah all us just lepak for two hours at 1u to talk about him. Cried and shared stuff about him. All five of us.

But the highlight was...

 THIS!! my sister belanja-ed me theseeeee!!!

May God grant endless prosper and happiness and the best of things for her aaaamiiiinnnnnn 

wonderful

What a wonderful week! I could pay for the cat food, my car maintenance, my family's Airbnb, and I could use my money first without having to get anybody to sign my claim forms. How wonderful

And I wish I could see more of your smiles. Hekhek.

woof woof!

Domino's to break the fast.

Yayyyyy

Woof woof!

Last day to gantiiii

yup

Di, you are worthy of nothing.

how do you get to know a person ?

Pay attention at what they always talk about the most.

The kind of things that have been bugging their brain the most.
Songs they mention but is dismissed by you.
Habits they do but constantly is brushed off by you.
Things they say out loud and couldn't keep his eyes off of it.

In short, pay attention to them.

And while the time is ticking,
whoever pays attention to you wins the game of heart of somebody who feels belong to you.
Since you would never even give a damn, or a second glance, about something you decide you wont care about

And I think it attracts you the most to people who you like because sometimes they see themselves in you. Or they see somebody who they wish they are, or want to be, or need to be, in them who they close with. the one who offers you comfort the most. a blanket. maybe not in the form of blanket. but surety. or even acceptance. or redemption.

What do you really crave the most?

Most of the time we dont even know what we want. or what we even need. until we find them standing in front of you. Later it brings you joy. It brings you laughter. It makes you sad. It affects you emotionally.  And then times goes by. You have grown accustomed to its presence. While so many things running through you as time passes, sometimes you look at your side and there it is. It's still there for you. Time goes by. you forgot to look at your side. there. it's still there. no worries.

A thing would deteriorate by time. Everything will. Like a seed in the ground. There's rain, but it's not much. It must get water everyday. You're busy. How? You just have to. Or it will all dried up. With seed, you can always find another seed. No worries. it wont affect you that much. Unless you're a snail with no food or tree to feed on. But you're a person. And that seed is not merely seed. The seed symbolizes a link of you toward another person. Sometimes you get lucky and that person lets you put a new seed. and see how you two go from there. but most of the time, you don't. People get hurt. People have feelings. People can move away or move over from you. In the process, while you were forgetting to water the seed, there could be bugs. or that seed could be up to no good. a crooked seed. And then what?

Nobody is going to tell you to water them but you yourself. With luck, Some people do let you know, or even remind you that they're there. Existing. Letting you know that they are happy with you. they are angry with you. they are sad without you. But some people just don't. Some people just think that they are not worthy of your time (which is passing by). or they could be thinking that you are not worthy of their time, (which is also passing by).

I believe while figuring all these out, it tends to make people apart. while you are juggling your life, other people could instead be struggling with theirs. The degree of how you view things are often influenced by your social background. family. education. surrounding. your upbringing.

Which sometimes you could see that you two differ too much with each other that you adore it. and sometimes you two differ too much that it makes you loathe them. Now hate is a strong word. I dont use it unless i really am feeling it so much. But then ugh idk

Stupid mistake.

One of my mistakes in life is thinking i could be friends with you.

You hurt me a lot before. like really a lot.
After you, I prayed to god. Prayed as hard as I could so that the next time I fall in love I shall not need validation anymore. Just to love and no need to be loved back.
That was my only condition.

The feeling of loving someone is such a happy thing. But when it becomes your past, it could numb you or hurt you more. I guess I was fudge-ing wrong when I thought we could still be friends without me getting hurt. again.


Stupid R. Sttttuuuuupiiiiiiddddddddddddddddd

P.s. I blocked him on iMessage. I never thought he would message me on WhatsApp but he did it anyway. Explained things to me. I didn't know what to say but I just thought it would be cruel not to reply. I just thanked him for explaining and that's that.

Notting Hill

After stopping myself from watching Altered Carbon s02ep05 (since Saturday would be quite spent) I juuust had to watch Notting Hill. Been a tad too long on my list to watch since the first time I fell for Costello's She.


It wasssssss..... so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................

I finally watched it on Netflix. I ended up taking screenshotsss soo many times of the movieeeee. The main actor was soooo charmingggggg aahsfjhfsfdksfkjsfs ok dah bye

Cuba teka

Cuba teka siapa baru beli cermin mata baruuuuu 😋

Tempting betul lenses yang provide extra comfort for night vision tu. Tapi nak kena top up hampir rm200. Just for the lenses! Gilo!

But then I terdetik nak beli pun sebab nampak rm89 je frame dan lens.... Hukhuk. So I paid for rm139 (plus rm50 lens upgrade sebab aku ada silau) je la....

girllllllsss night outtt

 

Belanja-ed my closest girlfriend for good luck at his new workplace!!

The steak was so-so... But the vegetables made up for it. Mahai saja... NY Steak Shack got the better of jt. Sorry la cheq tak sesuai mahai mahai. And they don't have it there at 1 Utama lak. 

But the company was nice so that's that.

Kelakar

Kelakar pulak bila tengok senarai drafts blogpost aku berkenaan kahwin. Soooooo 2017.

Be better, do better, Di.

Cant believe I am so easy to be stressed out. Ashamed of myself that that thing is so easy and I messed it up. What kind of a lawyer I am. Familiarity breed contempt. I must do something. I am so familiar with my colleague and boss that I am taking them and my job a little tad too lightly.

Sweet dreams

You should've been one of those nights where I wake up in the morning making me feel happy and content. You should've been that. 

But you didn't.

🌸🌸

I thank you God for letting me have the best siblings in the whole entire universe

I think I've talked about this

Ikhlas dan pandai jaga hati kita.

I wish I could be one and could find one.

Kalau hati itu ikhlas,

God will light your path to them.

For if they can't see it,

Well perhaps their path are meant not to cross yours for long.

Katanya percaya lagi penting dari cinta.

Apa benar?

Yes. Because will you give your heart away if you don't trust them?

My answer is yes. 

Kamu percaya sama dia. What made you?

The self. Theirs or yours?

Maybe both.

You can choose who to trust, but you can never choose when to fall in love or who to fall for.

But you can always choose to pick yourself up.

You cannot control other people.

But please. Be in possession of your own heart.

Try you must. The only thing you can control is your heart. 

Love yourself. Surround yourself with people who makes you content. People who stops you from stopping your own veins. People who really take their precious time to tell you that they love you. Maybe not in the way you want, but learn. 

Learn that the language of love is different to one another. Some people convey their love through words, some through actions, but it doesn't mean they love you any lesser when you don't get the way you wanted them to love you. Start feeling it with your heart. 

Some people are not good with words. And when they say it out loud, it doesn't seem convincing. But always, trust your heart. Feel them with your heart. In order to see with your heart, you must at least have some faith in yourself first. Stop having doubts in yourself. Have faith in people you love.

And from there, everything should fall into place. 

At least that's what keeping me alive today.

If it doesn't, start again. Smell the roses, look up the skies, find peace in babies smiles, do whatever it takes to make you feel alive again.

But please, pick yourself up when you realise that your fall is going to cost you a lifetime. Quickly. Or you will sink. Slowly, but surely.

You want to risk everything? 

Or you find it worthwhile? 

Or you simply don't? 

Still. Your call.

Images source: twitter 

I'll be your shoulder if you be mine

Awwwwww I want thisssssss

Even after 45 years of marriage, Dr Khairuddin and Khairiah say 'I love you' all the time.

“I still love her. I still think she is beautiful and cute. Sometimes I get angry with her but that’s part of the relationship.

“The important thing to remember is when you love someone, you have to learn to overlook things. If things don’t meet your expectations, you must accept and adapt. And you must embrace imperfection in all its guises. But to me, she is perfect. I love you,” he says as he reaches for her hand.

He, Khairiah points out, is the romantic in their relationship. His job saw him travelling quite a lot and he’d always insist that she accompanied him on the trips.

“I’d miss my wife too much otherwise. I am not very good on my own,” he says.

She adds: “There was once when I could not go with him and it so happened, that trip fell on my birthday. The doorbell rang that night and I found two men with guitars serenading me. They sang Are You Lonesome Tonight?... he had arranged that,” she relates. “Although I must complain that he hasn’t taken me for a movie or play in quite some time.”

The most important thing in a marriage, they both agree, is love.

“These days, when I wake up in the morning, I look over at him and watch him sleep. And I think about our life together and all that we have been through and when he wakes up, I tell him I love him. When you are younger, you take each other for granted. You don’t appreciate (each other). When you are our age you have this realisation. Love is like that, I suppose,” she says. 

Read more:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2020/02/14/they-got-a-second-chance-at-love-and-now-they039ve-been-married-45-years#.XkY_CacJmq0.twitter

reasonable

I have made myself so convenient for you by now. With the idea of not staying for long. And I regret that now.

He's no you. Nor him. Nor even him.

The Misadventures of trying to find the same feelings I felt when I was with you. 

Mama

Yeah we used to call her that once.
Until one day little nad heard from her Ustazah that it was more afdhal if we were to call our mom as Ibu. KAHKAHKAH

and there was no turning back.


Now it's Ibu.
My mom was a very, very difficult to approach. I always find myself far from her back when I was little. My dad was hardly home since he always had to attend 'operasi' given it's a part of his job. Soooo I was very close with Kak Siti our domestic helper. She went back Indonesia to get married after almost ten years giving her service to our family. 

My mom. Now she changed quite a lot since then. She's slimmer, she enjoys her life more, she became more understanding, she became more attentive, more loving.... I really enjoy being her kid now lah pendek kata. 

Moms do have this superpower. She just knows it when I'm having issues with my personal life. I always keep it to myself since she too has her own problem to attend to. But it won't hurt sharing a few things so that she would know everything is alright with me. 

Just sometimes I wish hard that I am a better daughter to her. Sometimes I just had to make space in order to keep my own sanity intact. When she cries, I cry. Silently. All tough on the phone. Left with none the moment I hang up. 

Like this one day I cried because I miss somebody badly. Or something happened but I chose not to tell anyone since it was petty. Or because somebody is happier without me. Well you couldn't just call them/him to tell him that kan. I just couldn't. So I always ended up crying it out and loud. Theeeen out of nowhere she would call me up. Uh oh. Had to pick up the calls lah kan. Justtt had to do make up some white lies. They are always coincidental. The calls. So I don't want to paint any picture to her that im not happy here. It won't justify everything. So I would always pick up her calls and smiles through my tears.

After all, this is my choice. 

This is my own design. 

Bear with it.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I would DIEEEE for any jewelleries at this age.

But books are cuter. And cheaper. and easier to get access to. I'm cheap liddat (insert emoji)

Still have sooo many books but one book equates to one flower. in an imaginary garden of mine. with you in it. 

Look what somebody gave meeeee.

Looks cute. (Maybe)

HAHAHAHA

kewlllllllll

(secretly my favourite) I WANT TO START USING ITTTTT TAPI SAYANGGGGGGGGGGGG GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

wove you. ❤️

I did it!!

Today I finally get to help out other people yayyyy~

My blood was not thick enough, underweight, didn't have sufficient vitamin, all these were among the reasons I got rejected to donate my blood. I didn't mind since they could be blessing in disguise, but today I finally did it!! And I got to know my blood type. It's AB! Who's with meeeeee? Put your hands upppp

I get to donate 350ml (umm maybe? I dunno the unit) for Hospital Seremban. Was quite nervous but I just closed my eyes and prayed so that everything would be fine and I get to help out people with my blood this time. 

God bless everything was such a breeze. The nurses were nice enough (maybe because it was my first time donating? Hehe jk all nurses I met so far are nice peopleeee) 

And I mistakenly informed the doctor when she asked me (among other questions)

D: do you have a partner right now?

Me: Yes.

And she asked how many were there before this one?

Me: Just this one. (innocent kan HAHAHAHA)

When they finished withdrawing my blood I suddenly realised that they might not be common questions. I think she meant it sexually.(?) I told my bro about it and he went "HAAAAA?" and proceed to laugh because the doctor was definitely referring to any physical (sexual) relationship I'm having right now and I wasn't bright enough to realise it earlier..... Apa benda.....

Ugh. But never mind. All should be fine since I don't sleep around okaaayyyy

The nurse patiently explained to me that since I'm a first-timer, they would only get 350ml from me. The person who's lying next to me was maybe a regular since the nurses were quite cheering for the amount of the blood that she produce (ye ke. Aku pun tak sure lol)

It didn't take too much of time of mine. All was done under 20mins, and that should include the time I'm needed to rest after the blood withdrawal. Habis je nurse suruh pergi minum teh o panas yang disediakan. I asked her if it's ok to buy The Alley since it was just right next to the blood place. She said no problem but it should be quicker for me to drink first before buying next door. Went to the water dispenser and got myself a nice teh o panas. Niceeeeee. So warmmmm. Drunk it and later little bro came running (k tipu) with a cup of The Alley crème brulée ehek ehek.

Aaaand here's some photos that I considered to be fun to look into!

And look which blood type I belong to???

i don't know why tapi rasa macam cool sebab I could give my blood to A people, B peeple, and AB peeple. Cool kannnnn. Hekhek. I think so lah. I always thought O peeple is noble enough since they could donate to other but they could only receive theirs only. Tapi Tu lah. Now I'm thinking AB people is cooler since I belong to one? Heheheh. 

what if I

Leave everything here and start afresh somewhere?

People will forget and move on.

And things should be better, don't you think?

But what if it doesn't?

What if tomorrow won't be better than today?

And I won't be young forever. That's for sure.

And it's better to be tired than to be broke.

And I don't want my mom to realise that she raised a quitter

I am bearing with the fact that I'd rather struggle tring to learn rather than struggling from being a stupid.

What if I really end it here right now?

No no. Life has given me wonderful things. My mom, my grandmother, my sisters, my bro, you.

You made me realise that I'm worth something

Maybe with the right person I would be.

But not with the wrong person. You won't ever feel enough.

Until this moment I'm embracing all our moments together. I might not be the one for you, but you were the one for me. At least for those moments which has passed.

I wish I could relive our moments. I wish I could go back to our moments. Not to change them, but to relive it again and again. 

But that would just be nonsense, doesn't it?

Living in past.

And what matter is now.

Oh how I need to share all my worries.

Oh how I wish we could've shared our worries together.

But we couldn't.

And I don't think we should.

We should just probably live to each of our own lives.

If only you knew how much you mean to me

If only I could tell you how much you mean to me

But I shouldn't.

If only...

I wish I could grow old with you.

Why do I keep wishing impossible things

I really wish I could stop crying right now

RM500 and Kobe

No no. I just know this Kobe when he and his daughter were reported for a helicopter accident which their deaths.

I have always known he's like my Boss' idol. Heck he even called his boy Jellybean which was inspired by Kobe Bean Bryant.

But I won't talk about that. I wish to talk about how happy and how sad I am right now.

I am happy because I just got back from Watsons Seksyen 7. Bought all the personal care for my little bro. Alhamdulillah we got a little bit of token of appreciation since this one client (whom hasn't been paying for such the longest time) paid some of our invoices in full. And I am really glad we got this extra money since I've been wishing to get something for Nini for her birthday. And now I have the means to execute it yayyy. Thanks Boss!

So I need to settle a sum of money for Bebo since he would already be seven years old this year heheh. How time flies eh?

I am happy that I get to give my siblings something. I could be useful. Now this is one of the things that would really make my day. When someone is really thankful for me. It would always stop all the negative vibes I have been feeling all these years. At least some, if not all.

Now what is making me sad is one thing. I was selfish to someone I really, really like. I guess words could never be enough to describe my sadness since I am not being fair. 

You. How do you define fair? If it was me, I would deem it to be fair when you put something to a place that belongs to its place. Now that's fair. Now what I have been feeling now, it's not. It's not fair for me to have this kind of feelings. 

cough cough

Fever reeeeally got to me these couple of days. Been two or three years since the last time I had a fever that won't let me get out of my bed.

And I guess maybe it's just a coincidence that last week right before the weekend hits I didn't get enough sleep for two days straight. Meaning I hit the sack very early and woke up at 2am aaaand hit the keyboard and files until it's morning before hitting the shower and making my way to the office.

Why can't I be geniuses who'd just need to read once then would understand tremendously and always knows what to say to clients macam kebanyakan kawan kawan aku? And when could I start to be a very helpful and intelligent employee whom would always know how to comfort the workload, the Boss and the colleagues? Haiyah.

I always put myself at the lowest point. And my Boss always try to shove me from the highest peak (all of a sudden) and see how I would turn out to be ( yeke? But most of the time aku TERmarah je dia balik. Ada ke patut sheesh) 

Well he'd give me the opportunity lah.. you get me.. now it rests on my shoulder lah how to do it. Contoh macam this one file lah tiba tiba berlambak gila Perjanjian. And I always complain to myself before kut. I would looove to know how to vet agreement. I wish someone could teach me how to vet. To sit down and point out to me what and what. 

Well life doesn't work like that. Hidup ni bukan macam sekolah. Mana selalu ada peluang untuk belajar one-to-one. Ko hengat ko homeschool ke. Banyak cantik.

Kena pandai pandai sendiri. Let me tell you a tiny little secret. Most of people don't even know if they're really doing it correctly. You just, live. Do or die. Sink or swim. Do or don't. Do be do be do be do.

Tapi tu lah. You never learn kan. Macam mana diri sendiri nak maju ni?

Ok lah brb I think my fever is kicking me back since aku baru je lepas makan ubat ni.

is this really worth it anymore?

I ended up crying so bad to Ayah last night. It happened that he called me up at the wrong time I guess. I thought of going back and crying at the corner of my room and get to bed silently just like I always do. But yesterday Ayah just happens to call me and I broke into tears to him saying I'm too stupid for this shit.

And I still couldn't get back home after getting early to bed twice just to wake up at 2 o clock to do stuff that could've take couple hourse for normal people.

Maybe it's time that I accept the fact that I'm just not that clever anymore. Where it was such a breeze to read and get it all in your head just by reading it once. 

I am what a stupid girl. A clever girl would've gone and chase her dreams, unlike me being cosy in here and hassling people.

I really felt alone yesterday. I really felt terrible. I am so comfortable at being alone now I think I should start pushing people away once again. Too much noise. Too crowded. Too much caring has been given. Too much love to be given to wrong people. 

self control

For the sake of MOI (read:me) work improvement, I shall practice my focus using the phone timer

New Year's kissessss

Nakkkk.

I want to do it happily with someone who I loveeeeee and who loves meeeeeee back as much and I love him very much tooooo.

I want a halal New Year's kissssssssses gahhhhhhhhh

how strange

How strange that my imagination running so wild that I picture you in one of those comfortable chair, reading. and me bringing hot chocolate to you while giving you a kiss on your forehead. Now that's wild.

birthday

Current dilemma:

I intended to go back since it would be my birthday this Friday. But due to poor planning, I haven't even gotten my bus ticket yet (on a Sunday morning). Been trying to access all the website but it seems that the only available ticket is only this morning (Aeroline bus) and none on the TBS app. Laundry pun tak terbuat lagi since I skipped it on Saturday morning for Aquaria getaway (heheh) 

Now I think I need to inform my Boss that maaaaybe I would go in for Monday and Tuesday (and replace it to Chinese New Year week instead), so since Wednesday is a public holiday, that leaves Thursday and Friday. And I should get my leave on Friday lah since my test is on a Saturday. Should I take my day off on Thursday too? I could just move my morning appointment on my Thursday to Monday instead tho...

Nak balik pun I'm kinda short of money now since I had to get a new handbag (sebab putus tali. Tiga kali Raya dengan bag Tu. UwU) and one of my intended goals is having year end promo 20% (had to top up almost rm300 for this purpose.  Haihss) 

Pukul berapa my dad would be very rich and keep on giving me monthly allowance ni (20k as monthly allowance pun ok hiks) ish heheh

I really want to celebrate with my family but since my birthday would be on a Friday and Saturday is test, now where that would leave me? A lonely birthday, I guess. But then bunbun told me she would get to me on that Friday and have a meal with me yayyyy. So that's good. Ok dah now I made up my mind. I will keep my cuti. diam diam in my house (so that I could be content with watching a lot of horror movies), have my mind peace from work for a while, study for my test, and later have my birthday peacefully and sit for my test and that's it yay! Thank you for reading heheh.

tingkatkan prestasi!! hiappp!!

My friend just gotten herself a laptop from her Boss!!

She even got a cute card that says Thank you for your best effort! Bestnyaaaaa. 

One day I wish I could be that good wehh. Tak payah minta pun Boss bagi sendiri as appreciation. I really hope I would know what I'm doing one day.. 

Now this motivates me by 35% to work better and has put down my motivation to stop doing litigation by 35% juga !!

baik

Bahaya juga dengan orang baik ni. Baik sangat rasa nak jatuh hati je selalu. 

Aduh penat

Nak kutip tiap kali.

putus

Ya. Tiga tahun. We had great Raya together thrice.

Maafkan aku. Tapi itulah. Semua benda nak kasi tak boleh juga kan. But then. I really had so many good times with you. You were right there through my happy and sad moments. 

I had to move on by today. I literally used plastic bag today tau dak.............. tali beg aku putuih..... For two days I carried my bucket bag like a baby. 

So last night I saw 

post cdey

I really want to go to Sarawak...

Thought my employer could sponsor one, but the clients are not paying until now.... thought of using my savings tapi savings tak banyak dah since I had to spend some for my car last month.. Sedihnya...

Last strategy to fork out money to buy her a wedding gift. Maybe a microwave! 

But I really want to see my closest friend getting married up close..... Why.....

Post updated: omg I love you Bosssssssss

Hekhek

Sarawak gwurlll

Perasaan Aku bercampur baur sekarang ni.

I'm losing my closest friend to her husband :(

On the morning she's taking her flight to Sarawak baru rasa.

I always, always pray for God to easy her way in every way. Especially during her hard times. Especially during the moment I couldn't help but I can only look from the outside. 

Kawan kawan dia ramai weh. Aku nak dekat pun cam malas. Her weekends will be filled with responsibilities and funs. But she never seem to mind. 

She is one of my good friends who always, always inspire me to be a better person. The one who I can always look up to.

There were a few hiccups between us, but she doesn't seem to mind. She values friendships. She values food (like me, hehe). She's great. I wish her happiness. This is one of those friends you don't seem to talk much but deep inside your friendship means a lot. 

Kalau aku kaya, aku dah belanja dia selalu. Belanja dia makan. (Macam dia selalu buat untuk aku) . Beli hadiah wedding besar-besar. Macam peti ais ke. Microwave ke. TV ke. The best brands there is. Ughhh tak boleh panjang langkah bila limited resources ni. 

So sekarang ni pukul berapa nak ada sugar daddy yang boleh tajakan dengan baik hatinya ni? Hmmmmmm 

little hope

I hope Ash is having fun with me being her friend for all these times. 

Because I am. I really am. 

And I also hope A will deliver safely.

And all my friends with their babies to always be happy.

And along those lines I just hope I would have the same chance. To be happy with someone who would be dying and happy to be with me, as happy as I am to be with him. Being together.

vroom vroom

Today I went back to my place with my baby bro. He drove alllll the way to Shah Alam. Kereta manual kan. Alhamdulillah I got extra money to give to him as duit belanja since I asked for an advance of rm300 from le Boss before going back Kampong (or was it during my stay? Hehe) 

I feel the most relieved when I got extra money to give to my family members. My mom refused to take my money since I started for my postgrad programme. But I still 'selit-selit' lah a bit. Malu lah dah kerja pun masih nak meminta-minta from my mom. My mom still insists for me to let her know if I'm in dire... Alhamdulillah even though my salary is cukup-cukup, at least now I could rake some for savings. Thank God for my Boss' hospitality and whomever he is.

I guess it's not so bad after all working here kan? 

But it would always be better on my mind if I could return/give more to my company. If God's will. Will punyalahh! 

See you on Monday

When your Boss texted you about work and your mom came barging in and cried very badly on your bed. How would you feel. What would you do.

Silly.

your voice always help me 

when i feel alone

I feel so stupid

Got all worked up 

for a phone call

and when i pick up

I dont even have much to say

where’d you goooouu

i miss you soooouuu

fck this

I guess I finally understand what irks me most:

When people interfere with my plan.

In what way? You plan something with someone and you specifically told them you have other plans later. 

The night before you told them we should go early since you have stuff and they have stuff. you woke up early. And dumb me I thought everyone would let you know that we are going late and the reason of doing that.

Fck. I should not write this anymore. I'm just angry. That's it. Because somebody decides to just text me and continue her sleep instead of telling me the reason we're going later than early. 

I'll cool down. Fck this.

And I hope we'd be friends forever happily

I have the best of friends who would make a good shelter for stray, lost, abandoned, and surrendered souls. 

I got carried away

And I don't want you anymore.

P/s: I cried in a friend's arms. Without uttering even a word on you. I cried because I really wanted you. Now I don't think I do anymore.

Jealous

All closed up since our times are running up

Kereta

Baru baru ni aku pi buat alignment dengan balancing, lepas mechanic test drive kereta, dia mai kat aku cakap absorber mounting aku dah boleh tukar dah ni. Ayoyo. aku cakap la yeye je. Lepastu dia cakap, akak perasan tak gegar. Aku dah macam.. Oh ni ke puncanya... Tapi dalam hati je la. Sebab aku memang dari awal tahun haritu aku dah complain dekat Perodua masa service. Tapi masa tu orang Perodua bangkitkan isu engine mounting kat aku. Dan masa awal tahun tu, tak ada la teruk nau gegarnya macam sekarang. (hujung oktober 2019)

aku mintak quotation kat dua bengkel luar dan bengkel Perodua.

Bengkel A

Absorber 1 set RM520
Engine Mounting Ori RM600
Upah replace absorber RM120
Upah replace engine mounting RM200
= RM 1440

Bengkel B

Absorber RM180 untuk 2
Engine Mounting Ori RM 650
Upah RMx?
= RM830 + upah.

Bengkel Perodua

Absorber RM59.90 x2 = RM119.80
Engine mounting = RM700 (kena bayar deposit RM350)
Check kereta = RM30.00
= RM 849.80


So...... memandangkan dah hujung tahun ni..... aku mampu mengucap panjang je la....

Adik aku suruh bagitau ayah aku je. Tapi entahle. Malas campur malu. Tapi orang malu selalu rugi kan. Tengoklah macam mana. Ni minyak hitam pun nak kena tukar. Nak tukar confirm nak yang fully synthetic je since kereta ni selalu nak ke outstation. Kesian Bebo :(

Life. Mine.

Even if we are destined merely to cross path, I thank God for that.

I wish every week has at least one day like yesterday

Semalam suasana dalam courtroom macam dalam satu classroom where the teacher sat at the front, there's the Joker of the class, the one who performs in class, the one who's loud unnecessarily, the crush (❤️ / or crushss lol), the one who sat silently, and there's me. Hiks 

Content

I don't date much and that shows when 10 years later I just remembered every single person I've pushed away for the past years 

anecdote

I might just be one of your stories.

But to me, you were a lifetime.

If I'm a chapter to yours,

You'll be the book to mine.

cat

Cat ate its catfood just now. I intended to walk away after getting it food. I was so tired. My head was spinning. And I felt so lonely. So I waited for it to finish before walking away.

Today too I attended a case matter not knowing that the Defendant will also be attending for herself. I felt terrible since she looked like a lady who knows nothing. But everyone could put an act in front of the judge. Including me. I acted all tough before the TP and the lady but I shrivelled when I got a seat to myself. I felt so cruel but at least the job is done. I told all this to F and she just listened to me patiently. God bless her soul.

I visited my uncle and aunt while making our way home as it had been so long since I visited them. we got to eat my aunt's asam pedas. Best wehhhhh. Cukup asamnya. Not that spicy. All the spices were just nice. Thank you uncle and aunt!

And yeah. attended International Trade & Finance talk tonight. was told to form a group minimum 2 persons to do some written assignment and case presentation during next session. 

Made some time for him as well. He told me I could go home or teman him. So I willingly choose to teman him. Later then I guess he was so uncomfortable seeing me not eating. He said I might as well go home since I'm not eating. I told him my head was spinning. But alas, I took two spoonful to myself. Too tired to type anymore. Goodbye. Thanks for reading.

I shall

I shall cease myself bits by bits from wanting you

Facebook is no good.

No it's not.

Keeps reminding that we arent together 

if I told you

If I told you,

That you were everything

Everything I have ever wanted

Will you believe me

Since I never even knew what I was looking for?

Maybe I am just too young

When I thought I finally found him

Someone like you

That it could be that you are the only that was right in time, right in place for me

Will you believe me?

Or I am just making this up

So that you will be always be the one

The one that I have to get away from

Yet also the one that I will ever give all of myself away to

Then will you believe me?

I never knew that love is so hard to write 

But it is with you

Whatever I felt was froze along with each of the moments delicately

Because I wanted for it to be that way

So that if I ever take down the route of memory lane

You will be you, I will be I, and we will always be us.

Us? Really?

mother

I have the best mother in the world!

Dear Lord please grant my mother the best of dunia and akhirat aaaminnnnn

Lam Alif Pa Rho

I ate instant noodle this morning. (Please don't tell my mom)
And my office manager was nice enough to give me her rice all that she bought for breakfast. Yess! I have something for lunch today!

Hmmmm. Dalam acc bank tinggal rm3 ringgit kot. Alhamdulillah my last rm50 was used to fill in my petrol for the week. I hope I could at least somehow extend it until next week... But my parents are coming for an event.... How am I supposed to--you know what? All is well. All is well.

So hard lah to survive since I have been staying in SA... Need to consume more fuel and just have to spend for tolls... Kurang kurang pun satu hari rm2.80 pergi balik office to allocate for tolls.

Tapi bilik situ best.. landlord ok.. housemates pun.. how lah how. Nak pindah pun nanti kena sewa Lori since I have bed and cupboard.. and money for rental deposit.. may God ease my way this month and next ya Allah

P.s. saja buat dramatic, boleh je posa. Hekhek

One for you, since I am no good with words

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide, I
Don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
Oh I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song
And this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Tempest by Escala

If I would have my life back then.
Back when my dad still only has us,
But I guess not.
I guess my dad was feeling lonely when we leave him one by one.
And I only kept in touch with him just for money. What a selfish daughter.
I never knew how to read my own father.

I guess it should have been
If I have been taking good care of my parents.
I didnt even thought that my father would, of all people, feeling lonely.

That should have explained him playing other people's father rather than mine

I can only keep guessing
Since I am such a coward

Tapi kalau nak sebab what ifs and only ifs
Babi pun boleh terbang lol
And it's only fair since he told me this thing is just not within my control
But I hate this feeling
This feeling of barely standing there and couldnt even help with anything..


And my mother
She changed a lot
She really has

She has been a lot more open minded
A lot more laid back than she was back then
I now have the most wonderful mom. not that she was not already one back then heheh
but I too now have the saddest mom of all
You will never know how insecure a human could be
You will never know how dependent, or even.. needy, as a human could ever be
And i guess you will never know how strong would you even have to be to hold onto something that is not even there anymore

And that particular human relates to you
What can you even do about it?

As of now, i acknowledge that I am


I guess I have so much feelings  i have kept inside now that it is spilling bit by bit
Somebody told me he would listen
Rather than me talking to strangers
But he already burdened with glorious purposes of his own life ( I just want to use this sentence on him hehe), and he also means a lot to me (like a lot LOT. I have never been feeling this way) how can I ever do that?

and my friends.
U, A, R, Q, N, F
thank you for always being there for me.
To listen my rambling on and on and on

Well..

I don't know. How do you even leave someone who is your life? Build another one without them?

Tigger and Friends who?

I cried so, so hard today.

I dont think I need to be reminded but this book seems so, so perfect and very capable of doing that.
Of doing what, you might ask.

See for yourself.

https://twitter.com/Starcourser/status/1164656492357791744?s=09

Book Title: Tigger & Friends

Author: Dennis Hamley

Illustrator: Meg Rutherford

Colours

Just by seeing the colours on your cheeks makes my heart drops

Merimaskan.

I am too sensitive when I am hungry. Haish

And one of His Greatness' wonderful creation was you

There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
Two a.m., who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say, hey
It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was, enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again
These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Tired

I am really tired of you.

Of falling in love with you
Really. I am.

My heart is really, really, really tired of it
That sometimes I wish to disappear

God knows best.

10 minutes.

Sometimes I got greedy and I just had to spend 10mins with you.

I like me better when I'm with you.

Yeah you.